When Your Personal Brand Stops Feeling Like You

There's a pressure on visible women to keep refreshing themselves. A new look for every stage. Updated photos every season. An unspoken rule that you shouldn't be caught in the same outfit twice. You can spend years keeping up and still feel like what you're wearing doesn't match who you actually are anymore, even if you can't name what comes next.

Most of us were taught to respond to that feeling by adding. A new color palette. A new signature piece. A rebrand. But what I've watched in my own life and in my clients' closets is that the refresh never quite lands. The shinier version isn't the magnetic one. And the harder you work to curate yourself into something more polished, the further you get from the thing people are actually drawn to.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm rethinking what it means to rebrand. I make the case that a real rebrand isn't adding more photos, more messaging, or more outfits. It's the opposite. It's subtraction. I share why the constant pressure to reinvent your look is actually working against you, the questions I walk my clients through when their style stops feeling like them, and why coming back to yourself is the work, not the next refresh.

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1:02 – Why “What do you want?” can be one of the most terrifying questions asked

3:35 – A way to shift your focus to reveal a roadmap when you’re unsure where you want to go

5:17 – What happens when you stop forcing answers that aren't ready to come yet

8:24 – Why the constant pressure to reinvent yourself is a lie that you need to stop buying

10:47 – Why ownership of your own voice is your most valuable leadership asset in the age of AI

13:59 – Authenticity as a daily practice and why it’s better and easier in the long run 

15:47 – How to flip the script on executive presence and move from careful orchestration to radical honesty in your closet

19:46 – How to return to yourself with small, honest moments instead of one big reveal

Mentioned In When Your Personal Brand Stops Feeling Like You

What Authentic Personal Branding Actually Looks Like

What Differentiation in Personal Branding Actually Looks Like

What Consistency in Personal Branding Actually Looks Like

“Do You Stand Behind Your Words?” by Allison Shapira

The Style Mindset Reset

Standout Style Kick-Starter

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Full Transcript

Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be, to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. 

Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. There was a moment in a coaching session about 10 years ago that I will never forget. I was sitting there with my coach and she asked me a really simple question. What do you want? I couldn't answer it. Not in a vague, well, I kind of know, but I need to think it out kind of way. I couldn't answer it at all. This was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. And to give you some context, I had come to this realization that the industry I had been working in for almost 20 years, that was marketing, was no longer my passion. I had gone to school for this. I had spent my entire career, post-college, in this industry. I had reached the pinnacle of that career, which was the director of client services, only to realize this isn't what I want at all. This isn't it. So when I say I was freaked out, when I couldn't answer her question, you better believe it was one of the scariest moments of my life. If this wasn't it, if this marketing world wasn't it, what was? But there was a glimmer of hope as I sat in that conversation, because I realized I could tell you exactly what I didn't want, because by that point, I was completely burned out. I could tell you what I was tired of. I could tell you what wasn't working anymore. But when it came to naming what I actually wanted, especially when it came to naming what a career could be, I was completely blank. That moment stuck with me, because I realized that at some point, I had stopped asking myself that question altogether. 

If you're listening and you're in a season, where you can't clearly answer what do I want, or you sense something is off, but you can't name what is next. I want to encourage you that nothing has gone wrong, although I will admit, it does feel like everything has gone wrong in that moment, especially if you're a high achiever like myself. This feeling of, I know something needs to change, but I'm not sure what is next, that's actually a great sign, a sign that something has stopped working for you, has stopped fitting and that something truer is next, even though it hasn't fully taken shape. At that time in my life, instead of forcing myself to come up with a shiny new answer, my coach decided to lead me, you know, very smart. She decided to lead me through an exercise about how I wanted to feel on any given day. I'm sure many of you have experienced this kind of exercise before. It's really revealing. And I did it in a way where I didn't necessarily have to name what I was doing, but how I wanted to feel, you know, how much I wanted to work, how much I didn't want to work. 

And a few things I discovered in that process was, I knew I wanted more space in my day, because at that time in my life, working at an ad agency, I was easily clocking 50 or more, probably 60 hours every week, which meant leaving my house at six or seven in the morning, getting home, picking up my daughter from daycare, having dinner and then immediately jumping on work until I went to bed. And then I did it day and day and day, time and time again. I wanted more breathing room for myself, but also for my family, as I was just currently packing tasks into every minute of my day. I wanted to be able to take my daughter to school. I wanted to take her, she was starting kindergarten. I had a son as well, who was in preschool. And I wanted to pick her up after school and spend time with her before dinner. I wanted time to think, because I was literally just like a machine. I wanted time to feel, I didn't want to be rushing from one thing to the next, because honestly it was… I was getting… work was my entire focus and everything else in my life just started to kind of fall away. And honestly, I just wanted a break.

What I did next might seem really odd. Instead of forcing myself to say, OK, this is the next career that I want to do, instead of completely changing everything at that point, I actually decided to stay in marketing. I took a role that I was genuinely excited about. It gave me more space in my day. It was officially a part-time role. It was a 30-hour work week where, unlike the agency I'd been working at, I literally couldn't work, I couldn't clock more than 30 hours a week, so it put a really firm boundary, which I really needed at that time. And while I was still in marketing, technically, you know, the industry, in which I said, I had lost my passion for, I was being challenged with new things that I hadn't done before. I was learning about running a podcast and creating content for a podcast. I was learning about content creation, which 10 years ago, that was brand new, GaryVee style. I was learning about speaking and presenting and about launching books and I was loving it. And for the next four years, I grew, I learned, I did different kinds of work than I had ever done before, while also having the space that I had been craving. 

That's also the time when I learned Transcendental Meditation, which was another complete gift, I didn't realize, which I started incorporating into my daily life. And what I discovered during this time has become one of the biggest lessons of my life. When you slow down, when you stop operating at breakneck speed, when you stop forcing answers that just aren't there right now, guess what? You don't fall apart. That time is actually not wasted, although that is exactly what it feels like. You come back to yourself. You start to feel again, which was something I literally didn't know how to do. I didn't know how to listen to my body. I just knew I'm a farm girl. Listen, like productivity is king. I knew how to produce. I knew how to check things off the list and feelings don't really matter. And what I found is that the answers come, clarity comes, but it's in a nonlinear way. It comes in its own time, which I don't like that either. I want it to be on my time, if I'm being honest. I see the same thing happening with women all the time, especially in this season of life. There's a moment when what you used to care about just doesn't hit the same anymore, right? The rules you once followed, the roles you played, the version of you that once fit so well, it just like all of a sudden, it just doesn't work. It just doesn't feel right. And I'm first to tell you that instead of seeing it as growth, I panicked. I assumed, like I needed to reinvent, I needed to rebrand, I needed a refresh, I needed, you know, the new thing. 

Which brings me to what I really wanted to talk about today. It's not really about a career change. What I really wanted to talk about is what it means to rebrand. I think many of us have been sold this idea from different facets, you know, from marketing culture, by branding experts, but even by, like, online influencers that in order to stay relevant, we have to constantly refresh ourselves, right? Because that's what works with the algorithm, new photos, new messaging, snazzy new reels, next level self. And we hear it in sort of subtle ways, like in my world, because I'm working with a lot of speakers and entrepreneurs, we hear it like, don't repeat outfits on stage. Every speaking engagement needs a new look. Or this is my, you know, LE 2.0 version, this is the next evolution of me. I'm newer, I'm better, I'm shinier than ever, right? Like who you were before somehow wasn't good enough. And I just want to say something here that maybe you're also feeling. Maybe I'm not alone in feeling this. 

This pressure to constantly reinvent into some shiny new version of yourself, it feels so exhausting. And if I'm honest, I'm ready to not buy into this lie anymore. Because what I'm interested in, as I've worked on myself over the years, as I've grown as a business owner and as a person, what I'm interested in doing, both in my work and my own personal life, is not a shiny new version of a woman that's been perfectly curated to be admired. I'm interested in women coming back to themselves. And that includes me. As a stylist, my greatest joy isn't creating a perfectly crafted image. To me, what is most joyful is watching a woman declare who she actually is, who she's becoming, without everybody else's opinions being considered and sharing that, helping her translate that honestly into an outfit that then presents her to the world. That's where the exciting part of the style piece comes to me, is when I understand how that is so deeply rooted for a woman, because it's the natural essence of who they are. 

And while you may know, my work is very rooted in personal branding, because marketing is a real part of my background. I can't take this girl out of the branding work that I've worked so hard on. I don't think of branding as polishing someone into a more marketable version. And when I think about branding, that is definitely what it is all about. It's like, how can we make this look so awesome that everybody wants it? That feels sleazy. I think the most powerful personal brand is authentic. And if you want to hear more about this topic, I actually just recorded a personal branding series about the three core elements of a personal brand, authenticity being one of them. So that'll be linked in the show notes if you want to go back and look at that specifically. What we are clearly learning in leadership circles right now is that and this has been for years now, is that authenticity isn't optional anymore, it's actually essential. 

I recently read an article by a woman named Allison Shapira and what she said really stuck with me. She talked about how as AI is becoming more embedded in our leadership and in our work and in our communications and our content. All of that is getting more polished, but also that is becoming harder to trust. Not because they're wrong, but because people can't tell if the words are actually belonging to the leader or the person. And when ownership of your voice is, we're not sure if that's your voice, or it's somebody else's voice, it's an AI voice, that's where the trust really starts to break down. That breakdown in trust happens long before it'll show up in any performance metrics. The other question that Allison Shapira asked in that article is, do you stand behind your words or not? And man, that one hit hard, but it's so true. In this AI world, more than ever, we have to ask, what do we stand for? What is real about me? Is this me, or is it an AI version of me? I think sometimes it feels easier to rebrand as something shiny. It's more fun to promote, isn't it? It also feels safer. It feels a little more polished, like something you can rally behind. And maybe for a while, it even gives you a little boost of confidence, like, hey, this is me now. 

But anything that's an act eventually becomes exhausting. It's really hard to keep up. It's hard to maintain. It's hard to keep pretending. And you can do it for a long time and keep pretending but on the inside you're going to slowly crumble. I know, because this has basically been my whole life. Believing that the perfectly crafted and perfectly dressed version of myself is the best and stressing myself out, to be that version, while inside I'm quietly dying at keeping up this perfection. While tuning into what is authentic is going to be harder at first, it takes a lot more courage. It's far easier in the long run though, because you drop the performance. And you guys know I love Brene Brown, don't we all? And what she says is that authenticity requires vulnerability. We all know that being vulnerable is scary, but it's not as scary as getting to the end of your life and these are her words and wondering, what if I had shown up? And I love what she says about authenticity being a daily practice. It's not just something you achieve once. When you practice authenticity daily, you let go of who you think you're supposed to be and choose who you are. 

So here's something I'm noticing and realizing. As you get more honest, really honest, you start to care less about fitting in. And maybe that's why I love working with women, who are at that point in their life. I mean, it's not necessarily an age, but I do find it kind of happens, like, late 30s to early 50s. It tends to happen. I'm also right squarely in that range. But you realize, like, it's exhausting to try to keep up. You realize that trying to keep up kind of makes you bitter. It drains you. And when you start to embrace, like, I'm done with, you know, putting up this front. I'm done with trying to fit in. I'm done with trying to be a version of myself so that I'll look more credible, or look more professional. You realize that just embracing who you are is the key to freedom. It is not an easy task by any means, but it is easier. 

So when I'm talking here about rebranding, this is what I mean. It's not about adding. It's about subtracting. It's stripping away what's not true so that what is true can come forward. And this is how it actually plays out in real time, okay, practically with your closet and with your clothes. We've really been taught to ask, what can I wear so that people see me in a certain way? I mean, I just saw a woman recently who gave a talk on this. It's like, how do I need to dress so I can be perceived in a certain way? And that really is the essence of executive presence, of dress for success. It's what I call outside-in dressing, dressing for external standards. But what I believe in and what I teach is inside-out dressing and that is the scaffolding, the core of authenticity. So what if a rebrand isn't about changing how others perceive you? And that is honestly like when you talk about a corporate rebrand, that's what it is. It's changing perceptions of how people see you. What if a rebrand is changing how you perceive yourself? Letting go of that belief that you need to be shinier, you need to be louder, you need to be more curated, you need to be more perfect. That the next new outfit is going to be the thing that gets you attention or gets you more credibility. No, I want you to give yourself permission today to flip how you think about getting dressed, to move away from this careful orchestration and move toward honesty. Because in a world where we don't always know what's real anymore, honesty is the gold we're after. It's the thing that makes you magnetic. If you're curious about starting this work, the place I always recommend starting is just awareness. 

And that's what we're doing here. So check mark, okay? Gaining awareness of how maybe we've been led down a certain path and led to believe certain things. But going beyond that, where I start with my clients is we have to question the rules we've been following. Where did these rules about what we should wear, how we should dress, how we should look, where did those come from? Who taught those to you? And even more important, what fear is underneath that? I created a guide called “The Style Mindset Reset” and this is exactly the exercise it will take you through. It'll be in the show notes if you want to download it. This is a great one. What I will talk about today is a little intro to it, but definitely spend some time getting curious. And again, you don't have to take action just yet, but you do want to start paying attention to what comes up. Because unless we understand why we dress, why we shop for what we shop, why we buy what we do, why we don't buy certain things, why we allow ourselves to show up in a certain way but not in another way, until we really look at that, real change is not possible. 

The next step after that, after that awareness, comes the question, well, how do I want to show up? And then answering it honestly, because here's the deal, guys. When I'm working with my clients, we're dealing with style vision. And style vision is essentially asking the question, how do I want to show up? What do I want to wear? What do I like wearing? How do I see myself showing up? But until we understand these questions of the rules you've been following, you cannot answer that question honestly, because you're just going to keep going back to expectations and rules and other ways in which people have told us we need to show up, okay? Do you see the difference? Inside out versus outside in. 

So I want to leave you with one other practical and tactical thing that you can do today. Okay, outside of going to download the guide, that's a great exercise to do. Here's this one other small thing. What's one small thing you can uncover today that gets you closer to your truth? Maybe it's opening your closet and saying, you know what, I actually really hate wearing that top. Or, when I sit down in those jeans, I can't breathe and I hate it. Or, I never liked that color. I don't think I look good in it, even though it's my brand color, or even though I feel like this is the color I should be wearing, or I stuck… I chose it five years ago and now I feel like I got to stick with it. Let yourself be honest. Those little small moments of honesty count. I think we feel like we have to go in and completely upend our closet and figure out the new path. 

But again, remember back to my original story. What did I do? I didn't go in and say, this closet's gone. This whole brand new closet is here. I didn't say, this career is gone. This whole new career is here. No. I allowed myself to be honest. What doesn't feel good anymore? OK, great. Let's stop doing that. So these small moments of honesty make a difference and they will add up over time, because allowing yourself to return back to yourself, doesn't always happen in one big reveal. It does happen in these micro doses, so celebrate those wins. And honestly, I'm in another one of these seasons of big shifts and this is a great reminder for me too, to remember that small steps will get you to the right place and also just because you don't have the answer now, doesn't mean everything is lost. So this is a game I'm willing to play. It feels exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. And I just want to warn you with that. But it's a game I'm willing to play. It's a risk I'm willing to take, because I have seen this in my past that allowing things to slow down, allowing myself to get honest does in the end lead to something great. 

So what about you? Is this a game you're willing to play? I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me today. I really hope it challenged you. I hope you walk into your closet with a new perspective, maybe some new gusto. I hope in reframing what it means to rebrand, you realize that it's not about adding. It's actually about scraping away until you get to the core, that golden core. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode. 

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. 

Let's make it visible.