How Jessie Spressart Went From Blending In to Being Herself

You're showing up, doing the work, leveling up in your business. But when you open your closet, nothing feels right. You know how you want to look but you can't seem to pull it off. And that gap between where you are and how you're showing up is taking up way more mental energy than it should.

Jessie Spressart was in that exact spot. She was already a highly visible leader, speaking and traveling and building Optia Consulting. But her style was stuck somewhere around 2018 and she kept thinking she should be able to figure this out herself. When she finally let go of that and asked for help, everything shifted.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, Jessie shares what that dissonance actually felt like, why blending in felt safer than standing out, and what changed when she stopped trying to DIY her style. She also gets honest about body changes in midlife and why she decided she deserved to feel good in her clothes no matter what.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify

3:41 – The subtle exhaustion of feeling “almost there” every time Jessie got dressed

8:58 – How body changes became an invitation for Jessie to honor herself

12:13 – Why high-achieving women struggle to ask for help with something that feels vulnerable

15:37 – How Jessie knew we were on the right track (despite her nerves)

19:42 – The importance of doing the background work before the shopping begins

22:47 – The inherited rule Jessie carried regarding attracting attention 

26:47 – How Jessie felt when she incorporated a bit more of herself into her style

29:35 – Why buying the “right” outfit is not the same as doing the internal work

33:24 – The energy cost of blending in and the unexpected ease that comes with congruence

35:04 – How “fake it till you make it” influences your energy when your style is authentic

39:45 – How Jessie caught herself slipping back into old thought patterns at a recent event

42:36 – Jessie’s final words if you’re feeling stuck or worried about making a change

Mentioned In How Jessie Spressart Went From Blending In to Being Herself

Optia Consulting | Instagram | LinkedIn

Work With Ellie

Follow Ellie on Instagram and LinkedIn

Leave a rating and review

Full Transcript

Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out, and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach, and if you've ever thought, "My style just isn't working anymore," take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be or who you think you need to be to fit in.

Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients, and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. Now let's get visible.

Welcome back to another episode of the Visibility Shift podcast. Today, I’m excited and thrilled to introduce you to my client, Jessie Spressart. I’m going to formally introduce her, but then I want to give you a little sneak peek into what we’re talking about today and what you can expect.

Jessie Spressart is the founder and managing director of Optia Consulting, bringing two decades of experience in talent management and law firm professional development to her coaching and consulting practice. She launched Optia with a mission to help legal organizations enhance effectiveness and well-being by leveraging the strengths of each generation in today’s workforce. Optia delivers consulting and training on management and leadership skills, mental health, and well-being, equipping legal professionals with the tools to thrive.

What you’re going to learn about Jessie is that she was already a high-visibility, high-achieving leader before we met. But one thing she realized as she was up-leveling in her business, finding herself on bigger stages and with bigger opportunities, is that there was a dissonance there. There was a dissonance between how she felt energetically and where she knew she was going, and how she was showing up.

We’re going to talk about what that feels like when you have that dissonance and you know there could be something better or more, but you’re really not sure how to make it happen. You just know that that dissonance is there. We’re going to talk about what it feels like when there’s a misalignment and what first steps you can take to start to get back into alignment.

We’re going to talk about getting uncomfortable, and not just the fact of how uncomfortable it is when you feel that dissonance between where a change is happening, but also the discomfort of opening yourself up to something new and different, a new way of doing things. The discomfort of letting go of the reins and inviting someone else to help you through a change.

We’re going to talk about faking it till you make it, whether we think that’s a good thing or a bad thing. And we’re going to talk about investing in yourself and believing that you deserve something like this in your life.

I really hope you enjoy this conversation. I hope you find yourself in this conversation. Let’s get right to it.

Jessie, welcome to the Visibility Shift podcast. I’m so glad you’re here.

Jessie Spressart: I’m so excited to be here, Ellie. This is great.

Ellie Steinbrink: We’re just going to jump right into it because that’s what we do here. I’m going to go for the deep question right away because that’s also how I am.

Bring yourself back to, gosh, it’s been almost like a full year now because we started working together at the beginning of 2025. So take yourself back to that time. It was probably just a bit before 2025 in reality.

One of the things that’s so impressive about you is that you were already a very highly visible leader. I mean, you’re running your own company, you’re speaking, you’re meeting with clients, you’re traveling all over the country. You’re not shy about being out there and putting yourself out there. So that was not something that we had to build up, or that I ever have to build up with my clients, really.

But you did describe your style to me before we started working together as not being what you wanted. Can you bring me back to that place of what felt off to you when you think back to that time? And maybe then also, not only what were you feeling about how you were showing up in your style, but what was it that shifted in you that made you realize, “Something’s got to change”?

Jessie Spressart: Before we started, I knew how I wanted to look. I knew what I wanted to put out there, but I never really felt like I was pulling it off, right? It was a lot of like, “I’m almost there,” or “This could look good if…” But I just didn’t know how to complete the look.

I never really felt like I was hitting the mark. That really undercuts a lot of stuff when you want to be there, you want to be visible, and you want to be present. There’s always a little bit that’s just like, “Ugh, I’m not quite there.” That took a lot of mental energy.

I had some tried-and-true things in my wardrobe that I knew would work, that would be fine. But is that really what we want to be? Do we just want to be fine?

I hadn’t really spent time looking at my wardrobe with a critical or strategic eye since I left my job at a law firm in 2018\. So that’s a long time. A lot of life has happened since then. Part of that is starting my own business. But I was too focused on building my business to focus on my look.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. There are a lot of things going on.

Jessie Spressart: There was a lot going on. So the shift for me was my business was leveling up. I was being more visible. I was taking strides. I was hitting the goals that I had for the business. But my look wasn’t correspondingly moving forward.

So actually, two years ago in 2024, early 2024, I was at an event where I was working with a bunch of other women and thinking about how to level up our businesses, which was kind of already there. But I actually met another client of yours, and I loved how she looked. So she led me to you, and here you are.

But it took almost nine months of following you, watching, and seeing you do your thing before I was like, “Yes, this is what I want to do,” and for me to finally be in a place where I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to actually take this next step and bring my look into connection with where I am in my business.”

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. I mean, so great of you to be connecting those dots. I think sometimes that feeling that you described of leveling up in so many different ways, can you help the people listening understand what that dissonance was like?

Because when you are expanding and you’re going to those bigger stages, whatever that looked like for you at that time, what was coming up when you had to go back into your closet to the same old, same old, like you said? Can you describe those feelings of, “Oh, I don’t know, this isn’t cutting it”? I think so many women feel this way.

Jessie Spressart: A hundred percent. I was so proud of the work that I was doing, and then showing up not feeling fully myself was taking away from that. It was a real bummer. I didn’t feel comfortable in my skin, in my body, because the clothes on my body weren’t reflecting really who I was and how I wanted to put myself out there. Let’s be honest, building a business is a lot of discomfort. You’re putting yourself out there. You’re trying new things. You’re not always successful. Things fail. You’ve got to try again.

So there’s already so much discomfort in that. Not feeling comfortable with what I was putting on and how I was showing up physically. Mentally, emotionally, all of that was there, but physically was really a fly in the ointment. It was keeping me back from fully inhabiting and being able to be uncomfortable in different ways.

If I can at least be comfortable in what I’m wearing, then I can move my capacity for discomfort elsewhere.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. I think you’re naming something so powerful. What’s really interesting about your story, and I would love for you to just touch on it a little bit, is that what you're talking about is there was a dissonance between how you knew you wanted to show up and how you were actually showing up.

But there were also physical changes happening at that time with your body. Sometimes when we feel like we know physically our body isn’t in a place where it feels great, that’s one thing. But there’s also a whole other thing where, regardless of putting all of that aside, what you're alluding to is that there really was dissonance in just like, “I know I’m not showing up in the best possible way that I can.”

They’re integrated, but they’re also separate.  However you want to explain it, you were going through some changes at that time.

Jessie Spressart: Yeah. My body was changing. I’m in my late forties. Our bodies change.

Ellie Steinbrink: Hello.

Jessie Spressart: Hello. All of that. Because I hadn’t really paid attention to what I was wearing, how I was wearing it, how I was putting myself out there, I was lagging behind. I was still in my late thirties. That piece of me was not where I am right now.

There came a point where my clothes literally just didn’t fit me. So I had to take that step. Even if that’s not your thing, because I know that’s not everybody, if it is, that’s okay. Be kind to yourself. I wanted to honor my body. I wanted to say to her, “You deserve to wear things that fit you and that make you look good and that make you feel good and match internal and external. You deserve that.” Regardless of where you are with your body, you deserve to wear things that make you look and feel good.

Ellie Steinbrink: For you to get to that point and say that is huge. I mean, you're just off the cuff like, “I deserve this.” I’ve experienced when I’ve gone through body changes, because hello, I’m in my mid-forties as well.

We’re all celebrating the joys of the changing of the female body, which is just like, “Hang on for the ride.” But I’m not sure everybody gives themselves that grace to say, “Yes, I’m changing. Yes, it’s okay. Yes, I still deserve to show up in a way that feels great.” So kudos to you for giving yourself that gift, because I think sometimes that’s even the thing, like where we would need to start.

But you really showed so well how you could catch yourself in your own thinking and say, “Yes, all of these things are happening. Yes, my body is changing. Yes, now I’m feeling, as I move into bigger aspects of my business, that I’m needing to fill bigger shoes. I’m needing to be more myself.” Kudos to you for recognizing all that and doing something about it and giving yourself the permission to actually invest.

It reminds me of one of the things you told me at some point in our working relationship together, that you were really hesitant to actually make this investment. Can you talk a little bit about that? And you know me. Honesty is like the wonderful ground I love to live in, so you can say it all.

I mean, I think this is a big hesitation a lot of women have, especially when they’re nervous, their body is changing. Like, “Is this the right timing?” But then it’s also, “This is a big step for me to take.”

Jessie Spressart: It was, right? We might talk about this later, but I’ll pull it together now. I felt like I should be able to figure this out. I should be able to figure out what to wear. I look at all the ads, and people are telling me stuff, and why can’t I figure this out?

So one of my big hesitations was turning over the reins to you, right? Somebody I’d never met in person. It was a huge hurdle. But you know what? Like, I’m in the middle of home renovations, as you know. I’m not doing that all myself, right? I’m bringing in experts to help with the design and making sure that the work gets done correctly and that we have the permits. That’s not an easy process either.

But you have to go to people who know what they’re doing to help you when you can’t figure it out yourself. The challenge here is that I’m a high-achieving woman. You’re a high-achieving woman. A lot of your listeners are high-achieving women. And we have been trained and socialized to figure it out ourselves because there’s not always a blueprint for us. So that thinking spilled over into my style. “I should be able to figure this out.”

Ellie Steinbrink: It’s such a curse. I mean, especially as a business owner, entrepreneur, which we both are, that is sort of the mentality you need to embody when you’re starting something. Because in the beginning, you don’t have the funds to, maybe, or maybe you do, bring in help or bring in experts. So you’re just like, “Well, okay, I wear all the hats.” And you get in this mode.

It’s become such a pattern that at some point you’re like, “Why am I still stressing myself out over this?"

Jessie Spressart: "Why do I feel the need to spend so much energy on something that I can have somebody who’s good at this help me do?”

Ellie Steinbrink: Right, like, why? But I do think sometimes it takes a moment of us just getting smacked in the head to wake up and say, “What am I doing to myself here? Things could be so much better.”

So I’m curious, once we did start working together—and I actually remember it was one of our first conversations—you said you were nervous. I think it was after we had gone through the initial foundational work in the sessions, we'll talk about that too. But when we actually met and I was about to show you, in a couple of weeks, the pieces I had picked out for you, and I said, “What are you thinking?” And you’re like, “I’m just really nervous.”

I appreciated your honesty in that because it is. Especially if you’re someone who is used to having control, like you said, a high-achieving woman. Then handing over something that is really precious and intimate to someone else, you’re like, “There’s vulnerability there.” There’s vulnerability work there. So I’ve got to give it to you.

What were some of the things—I'm jumping ahead a little bit—but because now we're talking about it, when you were feeling that hesitation and that worry and then once you actually started to see things come together, not only just the shopping boards, but then when we started trying things on and actually bringing things together, what were some of your first cues that we were on the right track? How did you know?

Jessie Spressart: I was nervous because I was like, “What is she going to make me try on? Is she going to push me? What are we doing? Is she going to push me?” And you did. But we found a balance, where you’re like, “This might be a little bit out there.” And I was like, “Yeah, I’ll try it on.”

A few of them were like, “Yeah, no.” A few of them, I was like, “Oh, okay, this isn’t terrible.” It was really around, again, that comfort level, and letting myself be uncomfortable in a space. We don’t grow without becoming uncomfortable in some way, shape, or form.

So while I was nervous, I also was like, “Well, if I don’t do this, nothing’s going to change. I definitely am ready for a change.” So let’s step into that and see how it goes. It was great.

I think realizing that some of the silhouettes that you were encouraging me to try actually looked pretty great. But also, you listened to me. You took the colors that you knew I liked, right? Like, hello, navy. I feel like I’m myself. You didn’t ask me to completely change how I do things.

Like, let’s talk about high heels, for example. I’m like, “I have to be able to walk. I walk everywhere in my neighborhood. I’m not going to be wearing heels all the time. It’s just not going to happen.” So you took that and you were like, “Great, here’s a few heels for when you need them.” But like, how many pairs of sneakers did I buy? And that was fun. It works for me.

So you were able to take my nerves and help me realize that, yeah, that’s normal. Let’s make this happen.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. Again, I feel like I’m going to say this a lot through the course of our conversation, but I have to keep reminding listeners too that this was such a collaboration. And kudos to you, because throughout this process—and I’ve worked with many amazing clients, obviously you being an amazing one—the special sauce is not all the work that I’ve done for them.

Although I understand that it's like yes, maybe I introduced you to new brands or pushed you a little bit on the silhouette, but the magic is really in you being willing to collaborate. I think you said it best, like you being willing to be a little bit uncomfortable. It started with, “I’m a little bit uncomfortable asking for help,” from the very beginning, "I'm a little bit uncomfortable," but you were uncomfortable before anyway. You were uncomfortable stepping onto those stages.

You get used to this uncomfortable feeling because you know uncomfortability—if that’s even a word—is the way to grow. So I just want to keep reminding you and giving you kudos, and then also my listeners too that one of the keys of this special ingredient is that you decided to walk with me and be open to, “Hey, let’s give it a try.” If you're anything like me and any type of change I want to make in my life, I've probably exhausted all of my resources and all of the different ways which I think could solve the problem.

So for you to say, "Hey, maybe this is a new way to solve the problem, let's give it a try," and you did, so just kudos to you for that. But that actually opens up another conversation I want to start. Before we started shopping, there were three sessions we did that I always say are really the magic of the transformation. Many people are surprised that I start with a month long of just meeting and talking before we actually start getting into the clothes.

I want to ask you, what did you learn during those sessions that maybe surprised you? And when we first started, did you feel like those were even necessary? Because I've heard that feedback too. Like, shouldn't we just get to the style here? Can't we just get to the shopping and the fun part? Like, isn't that where we solve all the problems? But yeah, what was surprising? Anything surprising to you in those initial sessions? 

Jessie Spressart: Yeah, I was like, “Let’s get to the shopping.” But you needed to get to know me, right? And I don’t know if you know this, but I actually tried to work with somebody else maybe like a year or so before you. She helped me clean out my closet and gave me some suggestions, like, “Oh, you should buy this and buy that.”

But she didn’t really take a lot of time to be like, “What’s your favorite color? What do you feel good in? Tell me about you.” I really felt flat. It felt like she had an image of me that she wanted me to look like, but didn’t take the time to actually help me feel like "This is you being more you."

So I was willing to do those sessions, even though, again, a little uncomfortable. But it was worth it to me to do that background work. One of the things we really uncovered was feeling congruent. It’s like one of my words—not one of our three words—but a word that keeps coming up for me is really important, how I feel on the inside matching how I’m putting myself out there.

So doing that work really allowed me to communicate that to you so that you could then go do your thing and have a higher chance of success.

Ellie Steinbrink: What were ways that you were feeling incongruent? What did you uncover through those sessions?

Jessie Spressart: It was really just like I knew that when I was putting on this very nice brown plaid blazer, it fit me okay and I was wearing things that were in style, but it wasn’t me. It wasn’t really pulling the best of myself out there.

So things like that, like, “Oh yeah, these are fine, but they’re not where they need to be.” And that was an external manifestation of, “I don’t know what it is that I need to do, how to dress, what to put on to really pull that out.” So that work really helped us do that.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about one of the things we do specifically during those three sessions, which is a whole session devoted to the rules and the expectations we’ve been following that we’ve gathered really our entire lives. You know, we gather them as children in the cultures and the familial settings we were raised in. But then it continues. These standards continue in the industry we work in or in the settings we find ourselves in. They can really unconsciously keep us really stuck from making a change.

So when you’re talking about this, “I didn’t know what else to do,” I think sometimes it’s like, well, if I just had more style skills and I could figure out what goes with what, yes, there’s some degree of truth to that. But what I’ve found time and time again in my work is that there are sometimes deeper things that have to be addressed in order to fully make those shifts.

Can you think back to that time in those sessions? What was one of the rules you had found yourself following that you realized was keeping you stuck?

Jessie Spressart: As I was thinking about our conversation today, I was thinking about the idea of attracting attention versus being visible. I think for some people that might be like, “Oh, what’s the difference?” But growing up the way I grew up and the background I had, attracting attention was no good, was a bad thing. Don’t do it. You don’t want to be too loud or obnoxious or have people notice you because if they’re noticing you, you’re probably doing something wrong.

That, I think, is a message that a lot of women get. Some women are really good at being like, “Screw that. Whatever. I’m doing my own thing.” I know you’re an Enneagram One. I’m an Enneagram Nine wing One, so I’m a rule follower. So I was like, “Oh, don’t attract attention.” I think that got internalized as don’t be visible.

So from a style perspective, it was like, well, I can wear the clothes that don’t make me stand out because then I won’t attract attention and people won’t think I’m doing something wrong. That took a lot of work, both in our sessions and elsewhere, to be like, actually, not all attention is bad. Being visible is important. It’s important if you want to be known for your work, if you want to be able to build your business, if you want people to experience you in the way you want them to experience you.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah, I think that’s really interesting, that distinction between attracting attention and visibility. Because it’s essential when you are running your business. I mean, you’re a speaker. You’re in front of people all the time. So you were always visible. But when you have this belief that attracting attention or rocking the boat in any shape or form, and then we can even talk about the industry in which you’re in, which is law firms, law, pretty conservative in terms of dress.

Jessie Spressart: Especially when I was in D.C. Oh my gosh. D.C. law firms are not known for their fashion-forwardness.

Ellie Steinbrink: No, no. In fact, did you know I worked in a law firm for a blip? I was a marketing assistant back in college. But I remember walking into a law firm and thinking, wow, literally everyone has a dress code here.

So it may seem small, what you’re saying, this idea of “I have a belief that attracting attention to myself is really a danger zone,” because one, the way I was raised, but also then two, now you find yourself in this industry where you’re around a lot of serious, conservative—let’s just say that’s not true of their personalities—but serious, conservative in terms of the way they dress.

So here you are, finding yourself front and center, and you have a choice to make. The choice is either I can just wear what I think is suitable and appropriate for this situation, or I can maybe lean into myself a little bit more.

How uncomfortable was it when we started to let yourself let go of that grip of this belief of “It’s not good for me to attract attention,” and letting go of that belief, and then starting to lean into a little bit more of “This is what Jessie is, and I’m ready to start showing her a little bit more”? Was that uncomfortable for you?

Jessie Spressart: Honestly, it was liberating. It was not uncomfortable because I had done the work. We had done the work, and you were helping me actually step into myself in a way that I had come to the point where I’m like, “I’m ready to do this.”

People are asking me, “Are you afraid to get up in front of rooms full of hundreds or thousands of people?” And I am not. I grew up from a young age singing in front of audiences. We were a very musical family. I always had to be ready to be on, which sounds a little contradictory to my “don’t stand out, don’t attract attention.”

But I would sing in choirs, so we were all wearing the same robe, right? And so there was a lot of blending in. But I wasn’t afraid to be in front of people. So when I was able to shed the blend-in-ness of it all, I was like, "Oh, this is another way that I can do this."

Going back to the law firm, it was a very safe space for me to blend in and do really good work and learn what I needed to learn so that when it was time for me to launch my business, I could do that. I could wear my very boring stuff and not stand out. That was fine. It worked really, really well until it didn’t.

I always envied the women in the firm who pushed the envelope. I was like, “Oh, man, they look fantastic.” They’re doing something different. In the back of my mind, I was like, “What does that feel like?”

And I wouldn’t say that I’m pushing the envelope super far. Like, navy is my power color. We’re not talking fluorescent orange. But it is a far cry from where I was, for sure. So it was great. It was like, “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.” And all of that discomfort, all of the nerves, was really just the anticipation of stepping into a new version.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. I think there’s a misconception about, I love how you said you would see other women who had this bold confidence, or at least just being like, “This is who I am,” and not afraid of what that might entail of just being myself.

I think sometimes women believe that it’s just a matter of going to get the outfit, then all of a sudden you’re just ready. Like, you just go buy the outfit and you’re ready. Would you agree with that? Or do you feel like there was energetic getting on board?

Jessie Spressart: Yeah, there’s a lot of energy. But it was also like, which is the outfit, right? Which outfit do I put on? And so I admired their looks. But if I went and bought the same clothes, they might have a different body type. They might have whatever. So it wouldn’t necessarily translate onto me.

I know that this is audio only, but you and I both showed up to this conversation with a striped shirt and a blue vest. And we look completely different.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yes.

Jessie Spressart: You obviously helped me pick this outfit out. You didn’t ask me to put on your style. 

Ellie Steinbrink: No, it doesn’t work that way, does it? I would look terrible in your style.

Jessie Spressart: Yeah, and vice versa. But we both look great, and we look ourselves, and we’re showing up as who we are.

So it wasn’t just about envying their look, but it was also projecting onto them that they had something that I didn’t. I don’t know, maybe they hated the way they looked that day. But it was more about me than it was about them in terms of, “What do they have that I don’t, and how can I get that?” And that was the piece that I needed help with.

Ellie Steinbrink: Gosh, so well said. I want to talk about, is there anything else during that time where we were peeling back the layers that you can think of that you really wrestled with and realized was keeping you stuck in a belief that was really not allowing you to entertain the idea of doing something different?

Jessie Spressart: Yeah, I definitely had some preconceived notions about what I could wear from a little less philosophical perspective, like blazers, button-down shirts. Yes. I was like, “Those things look terrible on me.” They’re not necessarily what I will go for all the time, but my options expanded.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. I just want to point out, for those who can’t see us, she just said she couldn’t wear a button-down shirt, and she actually is, in fact, wearing a button-down shirt right now.

But yeah, it is funny how these rules collect over time or through experiences. You have one or two or three bad experiences with button-down shirts, and you’re like, “Okay, that’s it for me. Never doing that.”

And then I think you mentioned blazers. One thing we know about you, and many women who struggle with blazers, is we have strong shoulders, and I do too. So blazers can be tricky because then they make your strong shoulders look even stronger.

So there are just some mechanics about how to find balance in the body that are really helpful to understand, to jolt you out of that thinking and be able to be open, like you were talking about before. Just being open to be like, “Okay, I know that I’ve tried button-downs a million times before. So how is this going to be any different?” You know, so there’s a level of trust there.

Let’s talk about now, after your transformation. That’s what I like to call it because I feel like you’ve transformed. Maybe you would use different words, but how does it feel now?

I mean, your original goal you even set on this conversation today was, “I wanted to match how I was showing up with the opportunities that I was securing in my business and the level I was achieving in my business.” How do you feel about it now? Does it feel like a match?

Jessie Spressart: So great. So great. There’s an ease that is there that wasn’t there before. I don’t have to figure it out myself. I don’t have to panic buy or stand in front of my closet being like, “I don’t know what to wear because I don’t like anything in my closet.” So that energy can go towards other things.

I don’t have to spend energy on this. I’m a very energy-oriented person. I’m always thinking about how much energy this is going to require of me. Do I have it to offer? What is my capacity? And so the fact that I don’t have to spend energy on that means I can put it elsewhere, on other things that matter.

I don’t have to worry about attracting attention for my clothes not fitting. I can lean into being visible and attracting the right kind of attention more confidently. So that’s really the shift that I’m feeling.

So both practically, I don’t have to run to the store and buy something I’m going to donate next week because it wasn’t the right thing. I have more capacity for other things.

Ellie Steinbrink: I know you’ve felt the difference. Do you think other people have felt the difference? What has it been like being out in the wild? Because you and I, we did a lot of work around you showing up on Zoom, but also when you show up in person.

Jessie Spressart: I was at a conference at the end of the year last year. I was struggling health-wise. I had an asthma flare-up, and I was really, really having a hard time having the energy to show up the way I wanted to show up.

Honestly, the fact that I knew what I was wearing and had outfits, it really helped so much, Ellie. Just to be really honest, I could show up and know that I looked really good, even though I felt like crap. That’s one example where you can fake it.

This is one time where the outside looked better than the inside. People didn’t have any idea. I mean, I guess I was a really good faker, but people didn’t know how bad I was feeling because I was inhabiting my clothes in a way that was giving myself some energy.

I actually felt more energized when I was talking to people, even though I didn’t feel great, because I knew I looked good and I knew that the outfit I was wearing—and people were like, “You look great.”

And there was one dress that I was wearing that the next day somebody at the conference was wearing the same dress in a different color. She came up to me and she’s like, “Look, we’re twins.”

Ellie Steinbrink: Are you talking about the blue plaid shirtdress?

Jessie Spressart: No, it’s the corduroy Boden dress.

Ellie Steinbrink: Oh, yes.

Jessie Spressart: It was so funny. She’s petite like me. She was like, “You got that at Boden, right?” I was like, “Yes, I did.”

So it was just really fun. All of that external validation feels great. It’s lovely, right? Who doesn’t like a compliment? But that’s not the point, right?

The point is that I could put myself out there, even though I wasn’t feeling 100%, in a way that I knew was going to represent me better than I could really do it myself those days.

Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah. The talk about faking it until you make it was very appropriate in that setting. Because once you’ve already dialed yourself in, you’re like, clothes can transform me, especially if it’s authentically aligned. It can really put you in that right energy to show up in the way you need to.

I know I’ve done that before. I’m also introverted. You and I are very comfortable with this idea of introversion and how difficult the energy it takes to sometimes just get yourself in a position where you know you need to be and you know your best self. It’s good for you and your future self to show up and do the things. But sometimes it’s just energetically really difficult to get there.

I think when done in alignment, the clothes can help you get to that next step. Now, I think sometimes there is a misconception about just being able to put on an outfit and then all of a sudden you can become that person. What would you say to that?

Jessie Spressart: First, I usually really dislike the phrase “fake it till you make it” because it’s not always authentic. When I coach around imposter syndrome—and I do a lot of trainings around imposter syndrome—I tell people don’t do that, or try not to do that, or minimize how much you do that, because then you get used to being fake, and you don’t want to do that.

Once in a while, strategically, it’s appropriate. But I also wasn’t really faking it. The fact that I was wearing stuff that reflected who I was made it easier for me to do a hard thing, which was show up when I wasn’t feeling great.

Ellie Steinbrink: What I was going to say is what you were talking about before, when you were putting something on that you thought was appropriate, that you thought would make you blend in. To me, that feels more like faking it.

It does actually take more energy, which is the weird thing. We think, ironically, that just showing up and playing the part will be easier because it’s like, “Oh, I know what to do. All I have to do is look around me and just be like, okay, the dress code is simple and I just follow.”

But what you were saying is it was actually harder to get yourself energetically in the right place when you were checking the box.

Jessie Spressart: Well, so this goes to my second point. Last week, I was at a dinner. It wasn’t a work dinner, but it was definitely an event where I needed to be intentional about how I was dressing. I wore the amazing red sailor pants and navy polka dot blouse. It was just like, I loved the look. I was like, “Yes, I’m me. I’m going.” I felt really great as I walked in.

Then I had a moment where I slipped back into old thought patterns. I was like, “Oh, is this too much? Is this too bright?” And there were a lot of people in beige and black. I was like, “Oh no, I’m not wearing the right thing for this.”

Then I was like, “Wait a second. What am I doing? I’ve done all of this work so that I can be my vibrant self.”

Ellie Steinbrink: Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you shared that.

Jessie Spressart: I was like, “Ah,” right? I straightened my shoulders and I quickly just forgot about being self-conscious about it. Because if I’d been wearing what they were wearing, I was going to look like everybody else. It wouldn’t have been me. If they didn’t like it, that’s on them.

Ellie Steinbrink: Wow. That’s huge. I think what’s important to take away from that for anyone who is listening is this really isn’t a one-and-done thing. I think that’s what frustrates me about the shows we see on TV where in a day or two or three these makeovers happen and they become a shiny new person. It’s like, “Wow, look, now I’m forever cured of all the beliefs I had about myself or the hesitations I had or the imposter syndrome.”

It’s really not like that. I’m so glad you shared that because it is a practice. It’s a practice of coming back to yourself and reminding yourself, "Hey." What I heard when you said that was that moment where you had to pause, take a breath, and straighten your shoulders was like, “I’m not going to abandon myself here. I’m not going to abandon what I know feels good to me because now I’m looking around and feeling nervous and it’s throwing me off.”

So good of you. I’m so happy for you that you caught yourself in that moment. I would say it sounds like you were thankful you did.

Jessie Spressart: If I was wearing what everybody else was wearing, I probably would have looked fine. But I had done all this work to want to be vibrant.

Ellie Steinbrink: And surprising. Yeah.

Jessie Spressart: And wearing beige doesn’t do that.

Ellie Steinbrink: One of your words is surprising. That’s not simpatico with fitting in.

All this has been such a great conversation. I think we could go on for a long time, but I do want to end with one more question for you. I want you to speak to someone who might be listening today who is maybe feeling stuck, worried about making a change, or wanting to continue to play it safe, but also feeling that dissonance. What would you say to them?

Jessie Spressart: I think what I said earlier about you deserve to feel good in your body, however your body is. I know a lot of us are not always happy with our bodies. I get that. That is a product of where we are. But you deserve to feel good in your body.

It’s an incredible gift to yourself to do this if you can. Your style might not be a 180 from where you are, right? I don’t think that I am completely different than I used to be in what I wear. We just shifted, right?

Even if your style doesn’t change a ton, it’s like a lens has come into focus, honestly. So if you are looking to focus that and bring yourself more into focus and more into alignment, the interior and the exterior, you can make small changes that end up feeling really huge.

Ellie Steinbrink: I hope that spoke to someone. It spoke to me.

Jessie Spressart: I hope so too. But that’s what you helped me do.

Ellie Steinbrink: I think it’s something we all need to hear. I think sometimes it can feel like when you look around, everyone’s got it together or the exterior looks really shiny and new. We don’t always really know.

But I think the real difference is when you can find that alignment on the inside. I know I feel the energy in women who have come to that alignment. It’s a different energy. It’s a calmer energy. It’s less forced.

I know that’s always what I’m working toward, trying to get to that aligned energy. That’s what I love doing with you and with the clients that I work with.

Jessie Spressart: You know, it’s work. It’s both interior work and also you’re buying stuff, you’re returning stuff, you’re trying this stuff on. But it’s so worth it. You are worth it, right? I am worth it to really pull that together. So if you want to think about how to shift your energy, this is one really great way to do it.

Ellie Steinbrink: Love it. Well, thank you, Jessie, for everything you shared. Thank you for your time today.

Jessie Spressart: You’re so welcome.

Ellie Steinbrink: Wow. What a powerful conversation. I hope you guys were moved or found yourself in Jessie’s words. One thing that keeps coming up for me as I think about this conversation is exactly what she said. You do deserve to feel good in your body, no matter where it is at this very moment. You do owe it to yourself to come back to yourself.

Because when you do, as she described so beautifully, your energy does shift. That dissonance we feel—maybe we can’t even describe it right now—that dissonance you feel when you go into your closet and know it doesn’t feel in alignment, that is a hit to your energy.

And when you can get to a place—an uncomfortable place sometimes—of going on a journey of finding where that dissonance is and closing the gap, it changes everything.

This is really all about coming back to yourself. This whole conversation and the discomfort sometimes of coming back to yourself. The discomfort of letting go of old beliefs you thought were keeping you safe, but now realize are no longer helping. The discomfort of giving up control and entertaining a new way of doing things. The discomfort of, “I’m not sure if this is going to work.”

But ultimately, what happens is when you can let go of your grip and come back to yourself, that is where the magic lies. That is where you’re going to soar and experience more ease.

I think Jessie illustrated that so beautifully. She even said it’s not just ease in the day-to-day of getting dressed, but the ease of knowing that when you show up wherever you’re going, you will be in the right energy.

So I hope today this triggered something in you. It awakened something in you. It made you think about how you show up in a different way. Because ultimately, that’s what we’re here to do on The Visibility Shift, is to increase our awareness and take those baby steps to coming closer back home. With that, I will see you in the next episode.

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. Let's make it visible.