Your Wardrobe Feels Wrong Because You’ve Outgrown Who You Used to Be

I underwent a deeply personal evolution this year. It required me to release clothes, mindsets, expectations, and versions of myself that simply couldn’t come with me as I move into my next chapter. The transformation was, at times, painful.

When the shift you feel on the inside becomes too loud to ignore, your wardrobe is often the very first place that shift shows up. What looks like a routine closet clean-out is actually a profound moment of recognition that becoming the woman you’re meant to be requires shedding the pieces that kept you anchored to an older identity.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm revealing how doing the inner work to create that shift has influenced my style, vision, and sense of self. You’ll learn why women often seek styling help at moments of transition, why external change feels so vulnerable, and why dressing for the woman you’re becoming is one of the most liberating choices you can make.

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1:00 – How a seemingly simple decluttering moment revealed a deeper internal shift waiting to be acknowledged

2:36 – Questions around identity, rest, approval, intuition, and self-trust that this pivotal year sparked for me

4:14 – How this difficult year has helped me hone in on what’s really true for me

6:55 – Why women come to stylists like me in times of transition

8:48 – Your sign to step into a new level of visibility as the woman you already are

9:40 – Encounter that shows how internal change naturally radiates outward (and catches others’ attention)

11:39 – Style as a doorway to deeper self-trust and freedom and where true style work begins

13:51 – Questions to ponder that really helped me assess all the changes I went through in 2025

15:43 – The scary, but liberating, action of taking the next step to be fully seen as your true self

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Full Transcript

Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out, and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach, and if you've ever thought, "My style just isn't working anymore," take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be or who you think you need to be to fit in.

Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients, and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. Now let's get visible.

Welcome to another episode of The Visibility Shift. About a week ago, I packed up several trash bags full of clothes to be taken to the donation center. This happens to me honestly a couple of times a year, sometimes based off of my mood or just that life is getting cluttered and I feel this urge to declutter things and simplify. However, this time, I knew it was a sign that there is an actual change happening and that I'm secure enough in this change, in this evolution I'm feeling personally, that I'm ready to let things go, including clothes that fit an earlier version of me.

Now, there's a bigger picture here. It's not just a random closet clean-out. Every time I fill another trash bag like I did this past week, I know it's not about clutter. I knew this time it wasn't about clutter. It was definitely about clarity. It was about me releasing some things that really just can't come with me into the next chapter because I've learned that you can't step into who you're becoming while you're still holding on to an old version of a wardrobe or maybe a mindset of the woman you were.

This was an important distinction. I think when I walk into my closet and those things are still there, it's this constant reminder of the old me. Not that the old me was a bad me or someone I'm not proud of, but it didn't feel like it fit into the path that I'm now walking forward in. Now, you might be wondering, "What is going on with you? What is happening in your life?" Well, what I can say is this year, 2025, has been one of the most pivotal years of my entire life.

I'm pretty sure my astrology predicted that at the beginning of the year and I was, "Okay, here we go," but it is honestly a year where I've made radical shifts in every aspect of my life: spiritual, physical, personal, professional, relational. I would say each of these changes wasn't just about checking a box or doing what I thought was right. In fact, in many cases, this was a releasing of what I felt was right. This was more about identity and about coming back home to myself.

So things I was asking myself or wrestling with were, "Who am I when I rest? Who am I when I allow rest instead of striving? Who am I when I stop outsourcing my peace to others? Who am I when I stop seeking approval versus trusting myself? Who am I when I listen more to others' opinions and guidance over my own intuition?" That was a big one this year. "Who am I when I finally stop dressing for who I was and start dressing for who I'm becoming, just letting myself be?"

This year reminded me that growth really isn't about more. It's not about striving. In fact, it was definitely about surrender and subtraction. When I let go piece by piece in all these different areas, God showed me who I already was and who I was meant to be. That was a true blessing. Now, if I'm being honest, this year has been one of the most challenging and downright awful years for me.

If you've ever been through a year like this, you know how difficult it is. It's like being put through fire. Even still being in it, I realize what an incredible blessing it is because it has helped me hone in on what's really true for me: what I want, what's important and not important, what I value, how I want to make an impact in this world. I know there's one thing that's crystal clear for me: I'm here to help women remember who they were created to be before the world told them to shrink, to smooth out their edges, or hide or dim their light.

I want to show women how to take up more space, how to let themselves shine, which is ultimately the best gift we can give to the world. I want women to learn how to color outside the lines with their style, as my mom always said, and stop playing it safe. I want you to stop blending in and start standing out. As I mentioned in an earlier episode, as Brené Brown so brilliantly said, if we want to belong, we have to be okay with standing out.

Since I'm a pretty reflective person, if you haven't already figured that out by now, I want to ensure that I'm fully doing what I guide you to do in my personal life. Otherwise, how can I truly be your guide? I can't be in integrity and tell you to do all these things and then not do them myself. I'd like to say I'm doing a good job of standing out, coloring outside the lines, taking up more space, especially in the area of style.

If I'm not, dang, what the heck am I doing? But even in the realm of style, I've pushed myself to get even more honest this year. I've allowed inspiration to be my guide into a deeper understanding of myself. I've allowed things like resentment to be a tool and a sign for what I no longer wanted to hold on to, whether that was in my closet or otherwise. I've asked myself, "If there were no restrictions—money, time, otherwise—how would I show up?"

This is the very question I ask my clients and I ask all of you listening to this podcast. But I take it seriously for myself too. In addition to style, that's a part of an area of my life that's transforming again this year, as it does. It tends to do this in cycles. It's very normal. I had to look at all the ways in my life that I'm letting the world or others define me.

So going back to where we started, it's no surprise that a load of trash bags were sent to the donation center. I often find women come to me when they're in times of transition. This makes sense to me because there's a natural desire for it to all be aligned. It's common for women to come to me, for example, when they leave corporate and they're starting their own business.

When they're leveling up in their business, maybe they've been running their business for a while but now there are some changes shifting in their business and they are wanting and desiring a change. Or maybe they're leveling up in terms of their visibility or maybe they are wanting and desiring to be visible in a more authentic way. This could be a new level within their company or getting a promotion, or it could be experiencing some life event that shifted your perspective.

Like hello, midlife, which is what I'm in. Call it a midlife crisis or whatever, but truly, there is an identity shift in midlife that happens, and many of my clients are smack dab in the middle of this, just like me. If I'm honest, these are some of the richest and most effective—or might I even say productive—times for women to come to me. Because they know deep inside that they've changed.

It's why when I talk about in these episodes about when you stand in your closet and there's a slew of perfectly fine outfits in front of you, why is it that we look at those and we're like, "Somehow this just doesn't work for me anymore"? It's because deep inside we know we've changed, and we know something has to change. These women that come to me know they are ready for more.

They know they are ready for something different. They know that going down this current path will only lead to more of the same. Sometimes doing more of the same feels scarier than the change itself. Am I right? They know that change and living out a fully new version of themselves will not be easy, but it will most definitely be worth it.

So let me ask you, is this you right now? Are you standing in front of your own version of multiple trash bags to be taken to the donation center, whether maybe your version of that is habits or relationships, or maybe it's literal clothes that need to change? If so, this is your sign. You're not becoming someone new. I don't think of it that way. In the experiences that I've had this year, I don't feel like I've become someone new.

I feel like I've shed things to become the woman that I already was or was meant to be. If this is you, if you feel like you've had a lot of shifts this year in 2025 as well internally and you're feeling this call to have the outsides reflect the insides, recognize this rich opportunity that you have in front of you to fully express this woman you're becoming.

A change could happen for you that is not just happening on the inside but also on the outside. I often think that the outward shift is almost always the most scary because even in the times when I've changed, not everybody has to know. It's all happening in my mind. It's all happening inside. But the moment I decide to shift that and make it more visible on the outside, well, now it's not just hidden. It's not only for me to know, it's also for everybody else to know. It's visible for all to see.

In fact, randomly, I ran into the neighbor who lives directly behind me, actually. But because of our schedules and whatever, we haven't seen each other in months or just haven't been out in our backyards at the same time. I ran into her recently and I almost didn't recognize her. I'm not even kidding. She had cut and colored her hair, lost weight. She had this new sense of radiant energy that you just immediately recognize is only coming from the inside. It was a sense of peace. I asked her what shifted and she said, "Well, you know, my dad died recently. Also, I had this injury and I just had a lot of time to do some serious reflection and I started to get curious about who I am and how I'm operating in this world, how I'm navigating, who I want to become."

Essentially, she stopped avoiding the question of who she was and masking it through giving herself to other people or other things. She took action. She got curious. That's just the thing. People are going to notice. Just as I noticed, it was the first thing I noticed about her and actually so did my husband who doesn't usually notice things like this. But if you're in the right headspace with your change, you won't care. You'll actually be glad. It will be a relief because you'll feel so secure in yourself. It literally doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Your own peace and freedom matter the most.

I feel so fortunate to be able to see this type of major transformation every day with my clients. As I always say, it really isn't about the clothes. I know that's ironic coming from a stylist. The clothes are really just a representation of something deeper, a shift, a freedom, a weight off of your shoulders, an unshakable self-trust. It's truly a blessing to experience this and to be a guide for women who are going through this.

It's why when I start working with a woman, we don't actually start with the clothes. We build upon the work I know she's already done in her own life and make that congruent with her style or her wardrobe. We start with setting a clear vision for who she's becoming based on what she's already become clear about. We set a clear style vision to enhance what she's already done. We start with eliminating everything that no longer supports her next-level self, whether that be rules or beliefs or expectations about clothes or style or her body.

We start with owning what she loves and doesn't love and start trusting that we know what we love and don't love. We start with getting curious about new options. Maybe it's a new silhouette. Maybe it's a new color. We take risks that feel freeing and they feel like a new beginning. The results are truly beautiful, stunning. I'm not just talking about the way in which the world sees physical beauty. That's not what I'm talking about. This is a kind of stunning beauty that cannot be achieved in a one-day shopping haul.

So I want to ask, is this your time? Have you been doing the inner work this year? Have you been cultivating and curating a new version of yourself? If so, now is the time to wear it. Wear it visually to show the world the woman you've been shaping in private. Again, this isn't about becoming a new person, but it's about asking you to stop hiding the woman you already are. Are you ready to fully claim it? That is a big question.

I want to leave you with a few questions that may further help you reflect in this area that really helped me this year as I was assessing all these changes I was making. One question is, what do I need to release before stepping into 2026? For me, it was a pile of clothes and a whole lot of other things, if I'm honest. But the pile of clothes was the most visual, physical element of it. There were a lot of other things I had to shed internally. But maybe for you, it's the clothes. Maybe it's a mindset about your style, your body. Maybe it's a rule you've been following.

Second question: What parts of me do I actively hide that are ready to be seen? This one's tough because maybe sometimes we're not even aware that we're hiding it. Maybe you've been holding on to wearing black because you think it's your safety blanket, but secretly you really hate it and it is not a representation of you. Maybe there's something else. Maybe there's some other aspect of you that you're afraid to let others see that could be visibly seen in your style. Maybe it's the way you wear your hair. Maybe it's letting your curls out. I don't know what that is for you, but probably whatever first came to mind could be it. That's always what happens to me.

Your third question is, what would it look like to dress like the woman I'm becoming, like the woman that is me on the inside? This is one I really love to do with my clients too. Just let yourself dream. Let yourself do some visioning without all the restrictions that we normally put on ourselves. What is everyone wearing at the event? What's the budget? What will fit me? That style doesn't work for me. Yada, yada, yada. All these things we put in as barriers to dreaming. What would she be wearing? How would she dress every day in the small and the big moments?

If any of this is hitting home for you, I just want you to know that while it can feel scary to fully be seen as your truest self, it can also be the best thing you ever did for yourself. I hope a year from now—I hope you bookmark this episode, actually. Do that. Do that right now—I hope a year from now you'll listen to this and you can look back and say, "Look what I did. I'm so proud that I chose myself over others' expectations or rules. I'm so glad that I didn't keep this part of myself hidden. I'm so glad that I can just now be fully myself on the inside and the out."

This is the episode you return to also when you're feeling scared and you need some encouragement. So please feel free to share with a friend, share over and over again with yourself as a gift. If you're feeling like you want some support in this, just know I'm here for you outside of this episode and any of the episodes you listen to. I'm available to work with on a one-to-one basis. I have my waitlist opening for January 2026 to work with me on a one-to-one level. There is also an opportunity to work with me in a group setting if that feels more your style. There's also a waitlist for that. It'll be linked in the show notes for either of those opportunities.

If you've done the work this year, congratulations. I know from experience this is not easy work. Congratulate yourself for doing this work and don't let it stay hidden. You owe that to yourself. You cannot imagine what kind of freedom and peace you will feel when everything is fully aligned. Let yourself take that next step, even if it feels scary. With that, I will see you in the next episode.

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift.

If you're ready to stop second-guessing and start showing up as the leader you are from the inside out, The Visibility Edit is where that shift begins. Head to elliesteinbrink.com to learn more and join the next round. Because the next version of you, she's not waiting for permission. She's waiting for you. Let's make it visible.