When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility

You have a closet full of clothes, and nothing in it feels quite like you. Maybe you've tried subscription boxes, made appointments with Nordstrom stylists, or fit in a session with M.M.LaFleur while traveling for work. You've spent real time and real money trying to solve this, and you're still standing in front of your closet feeling like something is off. One of my clients, Erin Wood, described it perfectly, there were nice pieces, but nothing great, nothing that made her feel like herself.

Style spending spirals in specific, identifiable ways, and underneath almost all of them is the same thing. Fear. Fear that you're not enough, that you won't belong in bigger rooms, that if you stop evolving outwardly, people will stop taking you seriously. The spending is rarely the root issue. It leads back to something much bigger, and most women never stop long enough to look at what that actually is.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm walking through the specific ways style becomes expensive, both financially and emotionally. I'm naming the pressures that keep women on the spending hamster wheel, including the ones coming from retailers, from entrepreneurial culture, and from within, and talking through what it looks like to build a style that comes from a grounded place instead of a striving one.

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2:49 – The issue that subscription boxes and store stylists simply aren’t set up to address

5:31 – How the pressure to keep your brand "fresh" is costing you more than you think

7:35 – What retailers are really doing with their trends messaging

10:40 – Why certain high-end circles create pressure to spend beyond your means 

15:03 – Why fear is almost always the source of your overspending

16:10 – How internal pressure turns clothing into a frantic crutch for credibility

21:25 – The pathway to shift your relationship with shopping from an anxious striving cycle into real wardrobe freedom

Mentioned In When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility

How Erin Wood’s Personal Brand and Style Finally Aligned

The Style Mindset Reset

Stand Out Style Kick-Starter

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Full Transcript

Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. 

Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. Recently, I interviewed my client, Erin Wood, here on this podcast. You might have heard it, it was just a couple episodes ago. And she was talking about the many ways she was going about trying to solve all of her style problems, everything from subscription boxes to stylists at Nordstrom and fitting in appointments with M.M.LeFleur stylists, while on work trips when she was on the East Coast. And after all this work that she put in, she was left with a very full closet. She's like, I had no shortage of clothes, but a closet, which felt just okay. Like there were nice pieces and these are her words, there were nice pieces, but nothing great, nothing that made her feel like her. And then the kicker came, she said that being a woman who is fiscally responsible and very smart in the finance world, in fact, she even teaches it to others, this is her world. She realized she was buying irresponsibly. Now, this isn't the first time I've come across this kind of a statement from my clients, or just talking with other women. And I think there are many ways in which style can feel like an expensive endeavor, right? Everything from the scenario I just described about Erin, above, but to feeling like you have to continually buy new outfits to keep evolving your brand and your brand photos, or the continual pressure to strive and fit in and prove yourself as an entrepreneur, as a speaker, as a leader. But I'm here today to introduce a new approach that will release you from the irresponsible and sometimes out-of-control buying, that out-of-control feeling you have. So are we game? 

Okay, first, I think we need to dive into the many ways in which style has become quote-unquote expensive. One way that happens is what I just described about Erin, in seeking other services and tools to help. But in that effort to use these other resources, it really doesn't end up helping at all. And this is exactly what Erin said. And many of my other clients as well come to me, from this place of major frustration, because they've tried everything. They're exhausted, yet still not seeing the results. They have a full closet, yet it feels empty, it doesn't feel aligned. It's physically filling their space, but it feels like a major hole in terms of alignment. So what is the solution? Well, these services don't really address a core issue here. They're addressing different parts of what I would call a style issue. They're addressing different pieces of that overall puzzle. But the core issue they aren't solving is an identity one. So when I'm working with my clients, that is something we address head-on and we address it first. We define a vision that's self-led rather than others-led. We talk about unraveling from the rules that we've built up, over the years, about how we should show up. This inner work has to be done before you can approach shopping and style from a grounded place of integrity. If you don't know who you are and where you are going, or what rules and expectations are driving your decisions, you can't possibly make great decisions about your clothes either. 

And in those services, you're totally skipping that step. And by the way, if you're curious about this idea of what rules you may be following, I did create a guide that guides you through how to identify what's driving those decisions, what beliefs are driving those decisions you're making, what's giving you permission to yes, I can wear that, or no, I can't wear that. It's called the style mindset reset and you can find it in the show notes, so just, if you're interested in that, it will guide you through identifying what those rules and expectations are that you've been following. It's going to help you tie those beliefs to what fears are related to that and ultimately how that is causing you to self-sabotage. And it's actually a little piece of the work I do with my clients, when I'm working with them one-on-one. So go check that out. Again, one of the biggest issues I see here, when women are coming to me and saying, this has been a costly financial venture, it's because they've tried all these different ways and they're sort of wasting their money, because it really never actually solved the problem. It just got them a portion of the way there. And they didn't address the core issue. 

I think another big issue I'm seeing here with correlating style is expensive, is that there is constant pressure to level up your brand. Okay, now I'm speaking squarely to entrepreneurs, business owners, speakers here, but this can also apply to a very visible leader within a company. You might feel this pressure to always have the need for a new outfit, or maybe you need to have new brand shots every year to keep your content fresh. I just had a woman who is an entrepreneur say this exact thing to me. She said, I probably did two photo shoots a year and if I didn't do that, in order to keep my look and my presence and my brand fresh, I felt like I wasn't relevant. And so she kept spending money and money and money and updating and up leveling. And she was worried that her brand would no longer be interesting or people would not pay attention to it, if she didn't keep up this hamster wheel. This is very much the message of our world right now, isn't it? Constantly having to evolve to keep up with the algorithm, giving people what they want, but abandoning yourself in the process. So what would be the solution to this? Well, I've always believed that you can do so much more with fewer pieces. And this is why I structure my services the way I do. We shop for a limited number of pieces. I don't create capsule wardrobes, but we are looking at buying a limited number of pieces. And then I show you how to creatively mix and match them all together, so that you get more mileage out of each piece. The real secret with shopping is buying smaller amounts of things that you truly love and then just wearing them in different and fresh ways, in different settings. And I'm going to raise my hand and say I'm a proud re-wearer. I have things in my closet that I adore and I continue to wear that have been there for more than five years. So let's stop believing this lie that we have to have a new outfit to stay relevant.

The next issue I want to talk about that I think can lead our spending to feel out of control is that there is a real external pressure coming from retailers. They truly are trying to convince us that we're behind if we're not shopping for the newest thing. So you'll hear language like, this is in and that's out. Or you'll hear style bloggers, I've been invited to write articles like this and I'm like, no, thank you. But it's like why we should all be wearing polka dots, why we should all be wearing the color of the year. We shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans anymore, we should be wearing this. And it's just junk, even beyond like what's in, what's out, what's trending messaging. Just the fact that if you're subscribed to any retailer, OK, if you're getting emails from any retailer, or if you have them on your social feeds, you know that there is a new drop of fresh new clothes for you to buy, almost every week. And if not every week, every other week, this is insane. What this communicates is that you are always behind. You better get the newest thing, otherwise you're behind. The reality is who you are doesn't change. And retailers tell us that we need to constantly reinvent our wardrobes every season, or actually it's even a shorter amount of time than every season. 

How I see this playing out in my conversations, women will come to me and they will say, I'm not into trends. You know, that'll be in the questionnaire. Like, no, I don't want trendy clothes. None of them considers themselves to be trendy. You listening right now may not categorize yourself as someone who is trendy, but deep down, they are deeply worried about not being relevant. Like, what if my wardrobe makes me look old or out of touch? If I don't keep up with these things, am I going to look ridiculous out there? So what can we do with this pressure that retailers are putting on us? Well, this requires getting steady in who you are and what you're about. If you know who you are at the core, what you love, you won't feel the need to be at the whim of trends, or what's in or out. You'll be in a steadier place to say, oh, that fits in with who I am and no way that's not me. You can feel steady in knowing that your style exists outside of that swirling chaos. You don't have to be a part of that. That's a choice, to be a part of that swirling chaos. And let me remind you too that the women who just kind of fall to the whim of every trend, or just kind of keep going along with what's in or what's out, that's not real style. What we're going for here, is style that comes from within, not that it changes every month. And I'll just say that many of the women I have worked with, that went through my signature standout style Kickstarter program, have commented that all of that weight of keeping up and watching influencers and looking at the emails from the retailers and wondering, oh my gosh, do I need something new now? Is my closet okay? All of that just went away. And this need to constantly keep looking was just gone. 

Alright, so there's another issue that I think has become part of the problem. Definitely with spending out of control, but also maybe feeling like you're not good enough. And that issue is buying into this lie that having designer things, makes you fit in, or makes you cool, or makes you feel stylish. This is a lie. Buying designer doesn't make you stylish. I'm the first to say that there are certain designers that I'm like, oh, they just make some really great stuff. Like, I really love the details and I love what they make. But I am here to tell you that I've seen women who are stylish that where Gap level kind of close. And I've seen women who are stylish that spend a lot more. That is not the determining factor of stylish. Okay. Style can exist outside of that. And for many years, I mean, early in my career, I had to show up and look professional and look polished and I had no money to do that. I was shopping at H&M, I was shopping at Marshalls, I was still getting compliments on my outfits, not that that's what this is all about. But I was able to curate a look that represented me and was also professional and it didn't require a lot of money. And still today, I shop at these lower end retailers and I shop at some higher level retailers, but it's not about the brand. 

A separate issue that I've heard and maybe this will resonate with you, but in certain high level leadership circles, it was almost like a point of entry, to have a brand name designer bag. It was a lot of pressure to be like, everyone here has this. So I guess I need to too, because it shows that I'm a part of this club now. Has anybody out there felt that? I've also heard women tell me that they like moved to bigger cities and they'll say like, Ellie, it's unbelievable, like every woman I see walking around in the streets here has a Louis Vuitton bag and all this expensive stuff. I feel completely out of my league. And then I think the other area, where I know, where I see this pretty strongly is, you know, in my past five, six years of being an entrepreneur, I've started to become exposed to these entrepreneurial circles that are alluring you with becoming a six or seven figure business owner. And I'm hearing a lot of this goal, of channeling rich girl energy, or manifestation of reaching certain financial goals by changing what you wear and what you buy. And as a Christian, I've really struggled with this. This feels really out of alignment with what I believe. And I personally believe it's a really dangerous, slippery slope to get on, because it's putting a lot of emphasis on performance instead of trust, worshiping image and really chasing this external validation. It just, it doesn't feel right to me. And maybe somebody, maybe you, are feeling the same way. 

What can we do with this? This pressure to spend more to earn our credibility? Well, this is a tough one, right? Because it's all about unraveling yourself and your beliefs and your worth around a brand name. It's about detaching from this belief that in order to belong, I need to have certain brands or spend a certain amount of money or detaching from the belief that buying a designer handbag will bring in 100,000K a month, because it's changing your energetic field. Or detaching from the belief that if I spend more money on style, all those feelings of inadequacy will just go away. At the end of the day, I don't want women to believe that they need to buy out of their comfort zone, to become worthy of success or abundance. I want women to understand that they already have worth, just because they're a child of God and style gets to express that, not create it. Honestly, let me just pause and say, I think this is where we have to get really honest about what's actually driving all of this. And when I look back on all of my experiences and my conversations with women, underneath the shopping, the overextending, the pressure to keep up, the proving, it was all fear. And doesn't this sound like a very therapist thing to say? Like everything comes back to fear, right? But it really does. It was really about fear that I wasn't enough, that I wouldn't belong or be accepted in bigger rooms. I've shared stories here on the podcast about this. I am definitely not pointing fingers. I'm speaking from personal experience too. Or it was about the fear that I needed to look more successful, to become more successful. It was fear that people would stop taking me seriously or stop paying attention, if I didn't keep evolving outwardly. The spending is rarely the root issue. It usually leads back to much bigger fears. 

And that brings me to the last issue that I want to talk about in regards to the idea of style and money. And unfortunately, I think it's one that it's a pressure we put on ourselves and it's using style as a crutch for your credibility. This is the hardest one to talk about, because I don't want to admit that I was ever using style as a way to prove myself. But the truth is, I was. In the last episode, I touched on this and I truly did feel a pressure to look a certain way after becoming an entrepreneur. It really changed me. I felt pressure to be shopping certain brands, to buy more and new, just to prove that I was legit, to prove that I was relevant, to fit in with whoever my target audience was, to fit in with whatever networking circles I was a part of, or that I was wanting to be a part of. I was overextending myself financially and I knew it, but I lied and said that it was for the cause of research, so I could do my job better, or that it was just a cost of doing business. And the more visible I got, the more pressure I put on myself. And this isn't just me. I know you too, or other women I've talked to will say, you know, I need to dress in a way that matches my audience or matches my client. That's another sneaky way it shows up. And the difference is, when you're shopping from a grounded place, a place of joy, not need, you really do become less desperate. But if you're coming from a striving place, you will notice the desperation creep in. It will be a panic moment, when you can't find the right outfit. Who's been there? I'm raising my hand. You won't even be able to show up in a steady way, unless the outfit is dialed in or unless you have something new to wear. That's when you know you're in the danger zone. That's when I knew I was in the danger zone, you guys. I can only say this, because I've been there many times. And so what is the solution? 

Well, this requires reminding yourself that your value and your worth doesn't reside in your clothes. And this is a tough one. I'm sitting here trying to reckon with this right now, right alongside you. Clothes are an expression of who you are. They're a way to highlight who God made you to be. And it can be a way to create that magnetism you're really seeking. But when it becomes a crutch, or a need that makes you steady, you're standing on the wrong ground. You're standing on something that is shifty and something that can be taken away in a moment's notice. In fact, I'm in a season right now, where I can't spend a lot of extra on anything and that includes clothes. And I'm realizing that, hey, guess what? I can still be me without all the new clothes and the shopping, but it has also made me feel pretty anxious. So I know there's some right-sizing that needs to happen, so that this doesn't become an unhealthy crutch for me. 

Who am I speaking to today? Is this you? I don't want to leave you here. I want to say, where do we go from here? And maybe you're sitting here like, oh, man, I'm feeling bad about wanting to shop, or I'm feeling like it's not something I should desire. Maybe you're not sure now. You're like, oh, you feel like you just blew up my world. I don't know how to navigate this anymore. I also know that how you show up, because you're an entrepreneur, because you're a speaker, because you're a leader, a business owner, how you show up matters. Okay? So I want to be clear here. I'm not saying that wanting to shop is bad. I'm not saying that you should feel ashamed, if you have that desire, or that it's frivolous or makes you shallow. I'm not saying you should stop caring about how you show up. Absolutely not. I still love shopping. I still love beautiful clothes. I believe style can be creative, joyful, magnetic, expressive. And as we're learning here, even healing. As an entrepreneur or a leader, it's even more important for people to understand who you are, because that's how they trust you. And it's an incredible tool in which you can share who God made you to be in a very external way. 

This is the core issue I really want you to zone in on here. When style moves from a joyful expression, to asking style, to solely hold the weight of your worthiness, of your credibility, of your value, or your success, that's where you want to be watching out for. I hope this episode didn't make you feel called out, but made you feel seen. Because if you have felt that maybe feeling of out of control, or like you abandoned your values in order to show up in a way, in a certain way, in your professional life, I just want you to know you aren't alone. My goal isn't to point fingers, or to make you feel bad. It's actually coming from a place of deep experience as I have felt all these feelings before. I have used shopping as a crutch for my lack of worthiness. I have used shopping to help me fit in and gain credibility. And guess what? At the end of the day, it doesn't make me feel better. It actually makes me feel worse. Or actually, it works for a little while, but then it's like a hangover. It's like, I've let myself down, like I've abandoned my values, like I'm hanging my hat on something that isn't truly meant to hold me up. It's meant to be a reflection of the light I have inside of me. It's meant to be the reflection of the light you have inside of you. And when style comes from that place, you can never go wrong. 

When you learn how to craft a style that doesn't feel exhausting, or like you're chasing, or that you're performing, but one that is aligned with your values and how you want to spend, that's true freedom. You will truly, from this grounded place, you'll feel freedom from the striving. You'll feel freedom from the constant fire hose of emails and voices trying to convince you that if you just buy something else, you're going to be enough. You'll feel freedom from the continual shopping hamster wheel and the message that you never have enough things in your closet, you always need more. You'll feel freedom from the proving and just be okay with who you are. I want to encourage you that there is another approach to style that doesn't require abandoning yourself in the process. And might I add one in which the world isn't doing a very good job of showing us, but it's there. It's rooted in stewardship, it's rooted in groundedness, it's rooted in authenticity, not just the buzzword and it's rooted in alignment. If you're an entrepreneur, you're a business owner, you're a speaker, you're a leader and you're interested in approaching style in a completely new way that is aligned with your values and who God created you to be, I'd invite you to check out my Standout Style Kickstarter program. I'm enrolling clients right now. I'd love to have you be one of them. I'd love to show you that freedom that's on the other side of this hamster wheel we've all found ourselves on. So links will be in the show notes if you're interested in learning more. And you can also set up a discovery call. And with that, I love you. I see you. I'm on this ride with you. And I'll see you in the next episode. 

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. 

Let's make it visible.