When Your Style Is Changing But You Still Have to Be Visible

As a speaker, leader, or entrepreneur, your evolution doesn't happen behind the curtain. You don't get days off from showing up while you figure things out. But there's a phase of growth we don't talk about enough—when you know something is changing, when an old version of you has been left behind, but the new version hasn't fully taken shape yet.

The temptation during this time is to hide until everything is perfect. To wait until you have all the answers before you show up for that speaking gig, that client call, that public moment. But that waiting actually delays your progress and keeps you stuck.

In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm talking about the messy middle. Why it feels so uncomfortable when you're visible. And why showing up imperfectly through the transition is actually what gives you clarity.

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1:51 – Quiet fears that surface when clarity is delayed and what they’re trying to protect

4:03 – The temptation to retreat into a style or persona that once worked but no longer fits

4:44 – The unfortunate truth about the transitional waiting period

6:22 – How I’m living in this in-between season and the biggest lesson learned from it

7:46 – Why your next-level self won’t arrive in a single leap

8:43 – The mindset shift to turn the messy middle from something you dread into something you value

10:33 – The role of style in supporting a deeper internal transition that goes beyond the visuals

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Full Transcript

Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out, and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach, and if you've ever thought, "My style just isn't working anymore," take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be or who you think you need to be to fit in.

Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients, and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. Now let's get visible.

Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. There’s a phase of growth we don’t often talk about enough, in my opinion. It’s the part where you know something is changing, a version of you has been left in the past, but the new version hasn’t fully taken shape yet.

You’re no longer who you were, or if you’re changing styles or brands, that is a different version of you, but you’re also not fully becoming the next version. I like to call this the messy middle.

I’ve also heard it described as when one door closes and another one opens, but we often think about that happening synonymously, one after the other. But sometimes the next door doesn’t open as quickly as we hope it would be opened.

There’s this, what has been called as a dark hallway where you’re just hanging out, floating without a lot of clarity or answers. If you’re a woman who’s already visible, which would describe me as an entrepreneur who is speaking and being on camera, and a lot of my clients would describe themselves this way, I imagine you would describe yourself this way as someone who’s visible, you’re leading, you’re showing up, you’re speaking, you don’t have days off where you just can’t be visible, I imagine that this messy middle can feel especially uncomfortable.

In fact, on more than one occasion this year, I’ve been in public situations where I didn’t feel like I had all the answers. Like I didn’t know the exact direction I was headed.

I noticed in every one of these situations, my greatest fears would arise. “What if I don’t have a direction at all?” That’s a scary thought. “What if this uncertainty means I’m failing?”

“What if what I’m moving towards isn’t the answer and what I had been doing before is really the answer and I should go back to doing that?” Even worse, “How do I go about selling or presenting myself when I’m in this messy in-between moment?”

And maybe this one is actually the worst of all is, “Why does everyone else seem to know where they’re heading and have clarity about it?”

Now, I know this is a lie because this is the story my brain is trying to tell me to keep me safe and to not go through the change. But what I’ve learned from these situations, especially this year, is that going through a change when you’re a visible person doesn’t feel very private, does it?

In fact, it feels really public and exposing. At least for me, when someone asks me how things are going, I can’t fake an answer and say I’ve got everything under wraps. So it does feel exposing to be like, “I don’t have it all figured out.”

And secondly, going through a change leads me to doubt myself and my inner knowing. I know that deep down what got me here won’t get me to my next destination, but I still fear leaving it behind.

“What will it cost me to leave it behind?” And this fear makes me want to forget about the change completely and just go back to safety.

And I’ve seen this with clients who are already very successful. One client in particular was dressing in a way that was absolutely appropriate for her particular industry, which was the finance industry, yet she revealed to me, and she knew deep down for years, that this persona she had created that was absolutely appropriate in her space was not an accurate reflection of who she was or the brand she had built for herself.

This movement from this certain persona or style to a different one felt really scary at a whole different level. “What if dropping the blazers would mean that she loses credibility and trust?” “What if it makes her stand out, but in a bad way?”

I’ve come to realize that this messy middle, where all your fears and doubts arise, is really where you grow and learn about who you really are. And sadly, this is the part I hate the worst, you just can’t rush these things. But the waiting, ugh, the waiting is so hard, isn’t it? When your old self is dying, but the new self hasn’t fully emerged, it can be easy to justify hiding, like literally in your old clothes.

Or just by not showing up on reels or camera or events the way you know you can and should. It can feel extra tantalizing to wait until things are tied up in a neat little bow, until the transformation is complete and you can introduce the new you.

Waiting to be visible until you feel 100% solid and clear. I know I love this because I’m a perfectionist and I’m also an Enneagram One. So having things tied up and ordered in a neat little bow is just naturally what feels good to me.

But that just isn’t reality, is it? We can’t cancel all our plans. We can’t cancel our speaking gigs or our conferences or masterminds or networking sessions.

We still have to show up, and we have to show up when we’re in transition, working it out as we go. And I really, really hate this truth about life, and I’ve resisted it, but I’ve come to the point where I can’t resist it because I have to face reality.

I have to face the truth that this is just how life is. So I might as well get on board.

I mentioned it briefly before, but I’m really living this messy middle right now, especially this last year. At the time of this recording, I can say last year, 2025. My work is evolving. My services are shifting. I think as a result of that and thinking more deeply about who I am and where I want to go, I’ve been reflecting on my style and wanting that to shift to reflect more creativity, to reflect more freedom, to reflect more playfulness, and maybe some less rigidity.

Every part of my being wants to sit and journal about it and think about it and think and think and think until I’m blue in the face and make sure it’s all perfect before I emerge. Like a beautiful butterfly.

Like I said, I have this really strong desire for things to be neat and tidy and ordered before it goes to launch. I just want to know exactly what I’m saying or promoting or how I’m presenting myself.

I want the answers to be crystal clear. But the biggest lesson I’ve had to learn this past year is that this waiting, this polishing until it’s perfect, this temptation to hole up and go quiet while I figure things out, that will actually delay my progress and keep me from moving towards this new door that is opening.

Now I’m sharing this today because I want to sit with you in this discomfort if this is something you’re experiencing as well. I don’t think we become our next-level selves.

This phrase gets thrown around so much, “become your next-level self.” It sounds like it’s so easy, just become your next-level self.

But I don’t think we become that next-level self in an instant, like checking a box and then we show up. I think we show up through it imperfectly, sometimes inconsistently, sometimes failing, but honestly, and I think that’s what shapes us, that’s what actually gives us clarity. In fact, I’m sitting here with my computer in front of me, and I have a sticky note that has been on my laptop for this entire year, and it says, “Clarity comes from action.”

Now it’s sitting here and taunting me, but really just reminding me because I know this is something I struggle with. If you’re feeling every bit of this episode, every bit of these words I’m saying deeply in your bones, welcome to the messy middle.

Before you start to make it mean that you’re behind or that you’re failing or questioning why this feels hard for you but not others, maybe today together we can define this as you actually moving in the right direction, even if it feels exactly the opposite of that.

As I close, I have to reveal that on the date of this release today, I will be turning 46 years old.

I think this is crazy because the release of this particular episode on my birthday is truly a gift I am going to need to receive, I am going to need to revisit because this is a gift and a lesson I want to carry forward into 2026.

Don’t let your brain convince you that just because things are messy that you aren’t going in the right direction. In fact, if things feel messy and you’ve realized a change needs to happen with your brand, your style, or otherwise, remind yourself that this is the golden part.

This is where the good stuff is made. Don’t let yourself convince you that this is the part to hate. It’s actually the part to try to love.

I’m saying this with all of my energy and love to you because I know it is very hard to not hate this portion. When I stop and just look around and see what has been left behind and what is coming, I know this time is a gift.

It’s really where you develop grit, where you learn about yourself, where you get to let go of things that maybe no longer work for you or just need to be left in the past.

It’s where you can open yourself up to something new or new possibilities, something maybe that could be even better.

I know I’ve said this before, but the reason I’ve set up my services to allow for reflection, to allow for visioning, to allow for releasing of old mindsets about style or our bodies, is because I recognize that style isn’t just about the clothes.

It’s about a transformation of you coming into a new version of you. This isn’t just a makeover or a quick change of what’s in your wardrobe.

This is an internal change that then gets reflected on the outside, and it takes time. It’s why I will never abandon this process, even if people continue to come to me and say, “Oh my gosh, I have something I need to get dressed for next week.”

That is a different service. But what I’m doing here is a true transformation.

So give yourself the time, give yourself the grace, and give yourself the pep talk that things are not falling apart for the worse, but for the better.

Like me, I’m going to come back and listen to this because I think I’m going to need to hear this again. But go ahead and bookmark this episode. Save it. Listen to it as often as you need to.

So number one, you know you’re not alone. Number two, give yourself the grace that change does take time.

I hope this episode resonated with you. I hope you felt seen, because sometimes I know I’ve felt alone in this messy middle.

I don’t want you to feel that way. I want to normalize this experience for all of you, for me.

If it resonated, I would love to hear from you. Also, if you think another woman in your life would really appreciate this conversation, please share.

And with that, and with all the love in my heart, I want you to know that I’m rooting for you. I’m cheering you on. And I will see you in the next episode.

Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift.

If you're ready to stop second-guessing and start showing up as the leader you are from the inside out, The Visibility Edit is where that shift begins. Head to elliesteinbrink.com to learn more and join the next round. Because the next version of you, she's not waiting for permission. She's waiting for you. Let's make it visible.