How Melissa Yano Stopped Dressing Like the Industry and Started Dressing Like Herself
- emsteinbrink
- 5 days ago
- 22 min read
You've built a career in a male-dominated industry. You've earned credibility, grown a client base, proven yourself over and over. And somewhere along the way, you stopped thinking about what you wear as anything other than a uniform. Neutral colors. Conservative cuts. Nothing that draws attention. It works, until it doesn't.
Melissa Yano is the president of Capital Wealth Planners LLC and has spent nearly 20 years in finance. For most of that time, she dressed the way she'd been taught. Nothing too bold, too feminine, or too much. She followed the unwritten rules without question, until a conference, a photo she didn't love, and an encounter with a fellow advisor made her realize she'd outgrown every one of them.
In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm sitting down with Melissa to talk about what it took to shed two decades of industry conditioning and start dressing like herself. She shares what she expected this process to be (a practical wardrobe fix) and what it actually became, how she went from a closet full of black dresses to bright pink and citron green, and what changed when she stopped dressing to make everyone else comfortable and started dressing to show up as herself.
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3:15 – Why Melissa decided it was time to make a style change
7:43 – Navigating the fear of being too bold, too bright, or too visible while wanting to play with wardrobe choices
9:32 – The rules that made Melissa feel like it wasn’t safe to show up in certain ways in her industry
10:58 – The style word that Melissa didn’t see coming, and the realization that she no longer had to prove herself
12:49 – Moving away from the male aesthetic toward a style that embraces the superpowerful asset of being a female financial advisor
15:06 – How being comfortable with her style has allowed Melissa to stop worrying about “dressing down” and redirect her energy to what really matters for clients
19:12 – How the questions Melissa asks herself before getting dressed have completely changed
20:46 – What Melissa thought this transformation was going to be vs. what it actually ended up being
23:20 – Melissa makes the case for why style work is an investment, not an indulgence
26:57 – The biggest thing I couldn’t stop thinking about after this conversation with Melissa
Mentioned In How Melissa Yano Stopped Dressing Like the Industry and Started Dressing Like Herself
Full Transcript
Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do.
Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. Today I'm so thrilled to introduce you to one of my most loved clients. Her name is Melissa Yano. Melissa is the president of Capital Wealth Planners LLC and spends her time financial planning for business owners and their families. One thing I think you're going to hear in this episode, is perhaps finding yourself in that moment, where Melissa describes being at a conference, seeing a photo of herself in her beige shift dress and ultimately wanting more. Wanting more of herself to come through. Also finding herself from a practical aspect of not having the certainty of what to do about it. What you're also going to hear in this episode from Melissa, is how she entered this work, thinking it was just going to be a practical makeover, you know, getting a set of new clothes, changing out her style. And what she didn't expect as the result was that it was much more of a thoughtful, in-depth and transformational experience.
I hope you enjoy this episode and I hope you find yourself and your drive to want to find yourself in this episode. Melissa, welcome to the show.
Melissa Yano: Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Ellie Steinbrink: I am too. You have been a client for me over this past year that has been such a delight to work with. I hope you know that. But one of the reasons I say that is because it's been such a joy to watch your transformation. And I think we often think of transformation as happening only on the outside. But I get the true privilege of watching also the transformation that happens on the inside. So I just got to say kudos to you for taking this journey with me and I can't wait for the listeners to hear more about what that transformation was actually like, because as I just said, sometimes we only get purview to what happens on the outside. But this is all about learning about what happened for you on the inside. So where I want to start today is I wanted you to go back to, you know, before we started working together and kind of bring yourself back to that place. You are the president of your company. You're a visible leader. And so it's not that you were shy about being visible, but what was it that made you think this might be the time to start making a transformation with my style?
Melissa Yano: It was probably a more practical reason. I mean, I think this really also surprised me with how transformative it was on the inside and kind of… in ways I didn't expect, but it was more practical reasons. I am of the age where perimenopause is a thing for me and I've changed sizes a few times over the last couple of years. And I heard someone speak and she was also a financial advisor, we're very practical people. But part of her presentation was how having an expert come in and help her with the style piece was a game changer. And she's someone I very much respect. She's very much an expert in our field. And I was like, maybe this is, I came to this conference and heard her speak for a reason. And I wrote your name down immediately, because I felt like I couldn't do it myself.
Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah, and I know from the point of which you met this one, her name is Erin and actually you guys will be hearing from her on the podcast as well, but the point at which you saw Erin, heard her message from the time that we actually started working together. Can you open us up to a little bit about what was going through your mind, because I think, sometimes the moment of inspiration to the moment of taking action, there's a lot going on. It's a big decision to make. Can you open up to a little bit of what was happening at that time that led you to make that decision?
Melissa Yano: Yes. That was in June, when I heard her speak. I wrote it down and that as one of my action items from this conference, from this financial planning conference, that was one of my action items. And so then I went to your website and looked at it. And it is an in-depth process. It's not like, hey, I would love for you to help me find some clothes and then you shop. And then I'm like, great, now I have clothes. So I wanted to make sure that I was able to commit to the process. And I always do my due diligence. So you and I had a call, I think maybe a couple of months after I went to that conference, to just discuss what it looks like, what the time looks like. And I know you do a group program now that is super exciting. I mean, what a time for, you know, a handful of people to a handful of women to come together and be able to do it together and have support and things like that. I just couldn't fit into my schedule. And so I think we started working together maybe in the fall. So it wasn't too long, it was a few months.
Ellie Steinbrink: When you heard Erin's message that day and you were thinking, you know, you mentioned it was a little bit more practical and you've mentioned, you know, body changes and hello, yay, perimenopause. Both of us are experiencing that and it can be so difficult. What was it about your style at that time that made you feel like this isn't quite it?
Melissa Yano: The night before she spoke, I was wearing, most of my closet before was very neutral, very plain, very practical. And so I had come to the conference the night before with like a tan, like a, I don't… ship dress and flats. And I, they did this amazing thing where they did these photos where it looked like you were in like a very fancy library, like you were English royalty or something like that. They did that as, you know, before dinner. And it was very cool, but I got the photos of myself and I was like, you know what, I've been wearing this dress for a while and it is not it anymore. And so I felt very kind of uncomfortable in it. And then the next day she spoke and her, I guess, style evolution is very similar to mine, because of the industry that we're in, the standards that are there, you know, to be professional and wear suits and it's very male dominated. And so we've always kind of tried to fit in with that. So both of the things, like it was already on my mind the night before of what I'm doing is not working, because I'm not comfortable in it. And then watching her do, like she was in the same spot. And then, you know, I made a huge difference for her.
Ellie Steinbrink: I remember when we first started working together, wearing neutrals and blending in and kind of playing the game was a big theme for you, and we'll talk about that in a second. But I did see, I remember, because there was a point in my intake form where I asked you to share some photos of you that would maybe represent you in a style that would portray what you were hoping for moving forward. And there were some moments where I could see you were playing with color, you were pushing, pushing it a little bit. And I knew you wanted to do more of that and more consistently. Can you talk about that? Like those moments, where you were trying to maybe play and push and where you felt like maybe you couldn't, or weren't quite fully ready to do so?
Melissa Yano: I mean, I love textures and print. I love a pleat or something that's got a lot of texture to it. I love an animal print. I love a monochromatic look. And so some of those things I would try to do in a way that felt safe. So maybe I would do a snakeskin flat. Or a pleated skirt that was a very neutral color. Or like a monochrome that was navy. So I tried to do like around the fringe of it, but not too much.
Ellie Steinbrink: I think that word “too much” was a theme. And it's a theme I hear. It's a theme I hear with a lot of women. It was definitely industry specific for you too, but it is a theme I think a lot of women get about not showing up too boldly, or with too much bravado and really trying to just keep it together and neat and tidy. And so it's not surprising, when you, or any one of my other clients come, with that sort of programming. What in your definition and your own experience with your industry made you feel like it wasn't safe to show up in certain ways?
Melissa Yano: I think there, you know, I've been in finance for almost 20 years and I started in a time and began my career in the Midwest. So, I mean, it was full on, suits, pantyhose, very little makeup, no sense, neutral nail color only, very light makeup. There were so many rules and it's always been a male-dominated industry, so it was very much like neutral suits, or neutral slacks, or maybe you're wearing a cardigan, or a very neutral dress and so all of those things were kind of the standard. Like, you need to be serious. People need to trust you. You're working with money. You don't want to be too girly. You don't want to be too silly. You don't want to look too young. I mean, there's a long list of things that have been kind of laid out as standard. Yeah. You don't want to be frivolous. You don't want to look like you spend money on silly things.
Ellie Steinbrink: It was to create the image that is going to give someone else the comfort that you know what you're doing. And I remember at one point in our conversation, where you had said, I recognize that those rules really drove how I dress for so long. And then there was a moment, where it was like you had an awakening and you said, you know, I've been in this industry for 20 years. I've clearly proven myself as an expert, proven myself as a leader and I'm ready. I'm ready to explore how else I could show up that feels more aligned. What do you think was the key for you coming to that realization? Because part of that was like, I'm ready to show some more femininity. I'm ready to show maybe a little bit more edge. Because I mean, that came about with us working together, as we were exploring some of these deeper topics. But I got the sense that you had come to some of that also on your own, outside of our work. So can you talk a little bit about what brought you to that point?
Melissa Yano: Yes. I mean, I don't, I was surprised that feminine ended up being one of my words. I did not think, at the beginning, I was like, polished, professional, modern, clean. But part of it is just where I'm at in life. You know, I have been, the age I'm at, I feel like I'm more confident and more comfortable with who I am than I ever have been. I would not go back to my 20s or 30s for anything. And that helped a lot. But you realize that internally, but when you actually are sitting down with someone else and you're talking through it, I don't have anything to prove anymore. I own my business. I have many clients I've worked with for 15 plus years. I speak at conferences and I speak as an expert. I'm not sure who I'm proving it to anymore. So what do I want? Like my kids are almost out of the house. Lots of life changes for me anyway, right now, kind of across the board. And so I'm like, what do I want? What feels most true to me? So authenticity and alignment have been big words for me over the last year or two. And this was to me another piece in that puzzle.
Ellie Steinbrink: This is something I talk about a lot, that there often is a shift, in terms of us coming back to ourselves, a shift towards a desire of wanting more alignment. And what I love about the work I'm doing with my clients is that it really is kind of like putting the cherry on top of all of that work we've done to come back to ourselves. And I would say, you know, that month long before we ever start even talking about clothes or shopping, is a time for us to really get clear on, you know, okay, I have this desire to come back to myself. Now, what would that actually look like, if I were to represent that on the external? And what are some things that I still need to kind of keep combing back and peeling back, to make sure that when I make this change, I'm not still stuck back in these old rules? And you just mentioned one, which is in your particular industry, I remember you saying it like, the way you phrased it was, I essentially worked hard to just look like a man. Like I wanted to look like a man, because I didn't want to be differentiated at that time. I wanted to fit in with the colleagues that were predominantly around me. And I wanted then to show my credibility and my expertise in that way. Like I didn't really want to rock the boat. And I think it's so interesting how you got to the point of getting to that confidence and then realizing, wait, I've shifted internally, but I haven't shifted externally. And that's a problem.
Melissa Yano: I mean, I think I had realized before now that being a female advisor is different and it gives us a set of superpowers. We talk to clients differently. We hold space for them differently. We plan for them differently. Before, I was like, oh, you just got to prove that you're as good as the men. And now I realize that we're different, female advisors are different and it's great, it's a strength.
Ellie Steinbrink: Own it. Yeah. And I was just so proud of the work you had done in that regard, because it really does take with all the rules and the conditioning, it takes a lot of courage. So kudos to you for having the courage to say, hey, I'm ready to put my stake in the ground. I remember us also talking about appropriate levels of dress for when you're meeting with your clients, because you have a client base who, you know, aren't dressing the way that you're dressing. They're coming into your office maybe at a much lower level of dress than you and I remember there were concerns around, you know, am I going to look like I'm too much? You know, and talk about that. Some of those times where you were making decisions on what to wear in your client meetings, maybe before our time together and also after.
Melissa Yano: My specialty is small business owners. I work with a fair amount of small business owners that are in blue collar industries. And so, I mean, I still think it holds true to some degree. I'm not going to go into a metal shop in a very delicate dress. Partly because I don't want to ruin my dress, but... I, yeah, so you don't want to be too flashy, or too way overdressed, because I think also there's a… we have a lot of rules in this industry, it feels like. You don't want to be the financial advisor in my… from what I've been taught, that drives a Lamborghini, but you also don't want to drive a junker. So you don't want to come in in a $10,000 suit and make someone feel like they're less than and they're very intimidated by you, but you also don't want to come in in a torn up pair of jeans. And so I was really aware of that and tried to dress down for clients that would come in in jeans, or athleisure, or something like that before. And I think, you know, I go to a church that's very casual and a lot of my friends dress very casually, because they don't have a job that's this buttoned up. But now I feel like I'm really dressing for me. And so if I'm coming across as comfortable in the situation, even if I'm slightly overdressed, you know, comparatively to other people, it makes me feel the way I want to. And that's what I'm trying to do for clients, is show up where what I'm wearing is not a distraction and I'm not worried about it. And then I can really focus on them, because that's the goal. And before I think I had that backwards, I said, Oh, I'm going to be distracting from my message. I'm going to be distracting from what I'm trying to say. But if I'm really embodying and living in my own space and I'm fully comfortable, then now I feel like I'm here to listen to whatever they have to say. It's not about me.
Ellie Steinbrink: That's incredible. Was it hard, do you think, to make that shift of going from I really need to like mimic how I show up, so to make them comfortable too, I need to make myself comfortable. Was that difficult at first?
Melissa Yano: I mean, the first couple of times, because yes, I speak and I present and things like that, but just in my everyday life, I generally am not the one that loves attention to be called to myself. And the first day I went to, you know, a group gathering and I was wearing a very bright pink sweater. And everybody was like, oh my gosh, I never see you wear color. And this looks great on you. That was a little uncomfortable for me. And that's something that I had to be OK with, is that you are, I am more visible now. I'm not trying to blend in, but that was a conscious decision. And so I think any change is a little bit uncomfortable when you just lean into that discomfort.
Ellie Steinbrink: I'll often talk about here that it's not a one and done process. And because these rules and ways of thinking and believing have been so ingrained in us for, you know, in your case, 20 years or more, we can't expect that the change is going to happen in a day. And I think that can be kind of the fallacy that, yes, you put on a different outfit and then all of a sudden you've internally changed, but it doesn't necessarily happen that way. So I'm so grateful that you just shared this with us so vulnerably that, yes, even after the time together that we worked on these mindset shifts and worked on getting you to a space of it's okay for me to show up in a different way. It's okay for me to show my femininity. It's okay to wear color. It's okay to all do those things, because it means I'm being true to myself. It doesn't mean that that discomfort is always going to go away. I think that's just so important for people to realize that it really is a practice.
Melissa Yano: Yes.
Ellie Steinbrink: Are there things that you say to yourself in those moments, since we've worked together, where it's kind of just a quick little reminder to draw you back in to, OK, reminding yourself of what you want?
Melissa Yano: I used to really overthink what I was going to wear. I'd stand in the closet and I'd be like, okay, what am I doing? Who's going to be there? How should I show up? Do I need to wear slacks? Do I need to wear a skirt? Now I'm standing in my closet and I'm like, OK, like, how do I want to feel today? Do I feel like wearing a dress? Do I feel like something swishy? Like, it's a little bit different, because it's about me and less about everybody else's opinion. So yeah, I think it is a process. I very much think what you do is like any other business coach or mindset coach. It's just in a specific area. And then it is, you know, we did a lot of work together about talking about how I want to show up and why it would stop me before and what the clothes, you know, when we did try-ons, what the clothes make me feel. And I think you could tell when I tried things on what made me feel comfortable. There were a couple of things I was like, I don't know. And you're like, that one's not it. It's not you, it's the skirt. That one is not it. So, it’s a process.
Ellie Steinbrink: It is and… but again kudos to you, because I think you were you got yourself to a place of being open and to a place of willingness to try so that you could even just see how you feel, you know. And there's magic in that.
Melissa Yano: Yeah, I mean I did have to come in with an open mind.
Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah, and you were, and you did great in that. You mentioned earlier in this conversation that this was not what you thought it was going to be. Can you talk about what you thought it was going to be and then what it actually ended up being for you?
Melissa Yano: I wonder if everybody says that, but I think it was partly, just because I don't have any experience in having help in this area. It was very much a practical, I do not enjoy shopping. It was a very much a practical endeavor for me, for the last many years, a long time. And so I really wasn't sure what to expect. And then I got your kind of initial homework questionnaire was long, but it was really thought provoking and made me think a lot about, before we even started working together, what is important to me? How do I describe myself? What are some style rules that I've thought about? And who does inspire me, when I'm looking at them? Who do I look at and say, oh, that's what I want to look at. So it was a much more in-depth process that made me, even between our sessions, I did a lot of thinking and a lot of voice journaling about the style words and what they meant to me and how I wanted to show up and how they made me feel. So I'm not very squishy. You know, woo-woo. I'm very practical.
Ellie Steinbrink: Yeah.
Melissa Yano: But there was a lot more feeling and things like that that went into it that I was surprised about.
Ellie Steinbrink: Thank you for sharing that, because I think that is just the way of the style world is we have a perception of what it is and what it isn't. And in many ways, I believe our culture has painted it as frivolous. It's painted it as self-indulgent. It's painted it as maybe in some ways practical, you know, just like a thing you got to do every day and it is what it is. I suppose I'm trying to change the game here, but I think what my eye has always been towards is true transformation, because I want it to last and I don't want this to be a fleeting, you got inspired in a weekend and you became that version of yourself, for a fleeting moment and then you came back to the ground and realized that's not sustainable. And so, yeah, I'm not shy about when, you know, and I think we talked about this in our intro calls, about it's a lot of work, it's in-depth and I think probably you didn't realize it until, like you said, you actually started doing the work. But that is where I believe the real transformation comes and the lasting transformation. What would you say to a woman who maybe is toying with this idea or maybe, maybe they're just even at a point, where they're feeling frustration in their closet, but also really not sure what to do. What would you say to this woman who maybe is unsure about the next steps?
Melissa Yano: Yeah, I think from two different perspectives. So I… often as women, we put ourselves last, like we're the wife, wife, mom, business owner, worker, all of the things, volunteer first. We do everything for everyone first and then there's nothing really left for us. And I think investing in yourself is a pretty big deal, especially, you know, like I said, when you get to this age and you're, maybe your body is changing, a lot of things are changing. You got kids moving out of the house, whatever that looks like for you. Like you and yourself are still there. And so you really are, you have to have your own back from a business owner perspective or a C-suite exec, someone like that. It's a… to me, I look at it like any other investment in yourself. So if you're willing to invest in a business coach, or a marketing person, or a website designer or, you know, continuing education or certifications. To me, this is another investment like that, that can make a significant difference in how you show up for your business and how you just show up in the world. I mean, it's just an investment in yourself.
Ellie Steinbrink: So well said, and I think that really does get lost in translation sometimes. Well, I know you had prepared a lot for this conversation and I thank you endlessly for doing that. Was there anything else that you reflected on, that I didn't ask you and you wanted to share?
Melissa Yano: When we looked at looks, there was a lot of color. Everybody in my life has always seen me in black, gray, navy, cream. And there was bright pink and there was a citron green color, and burgundies. There was not any black. There was no black anywhere in it and I had like six black dresses hanging in my closet. And so that was really eye-opening for me that i could wear color even very bright color, in a way that still I'm comfortable in, that is professional, that makes me feel like I'm still showing up as who I am, that was something I did not expect
Ellie Steinbrink: And I really do believe that the workplaces we've found ourselves in, the industry we've found ourselves in, convey and support that idea, that there really is only one way to show up and look professional. And kudos to you for being open to that there might be an alternative way. My mom always told me to color outside the lines and I think that really translated into obviously my work with my clients, in my own self and my own creative expression. But I think this is another example of that, where why don't we just try a different way? It doesn't have to be one way. And it feels a whole lot better, you know, to express yourself in a way that feels true, while also retaining all those other things we want, the professionalism, the credibility. So I just want to say thank you again for your open-mindedness, your willingness to take risks, and your ability to see that you were worth investing in. Not only taking a risk on yourself, but taking a risk on me, I guess. I'm so proud of this transformation you made. I can't wait to see where we go from here.
Melissa Yano: Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate everything that you do. I really do.
Ellie Steinbrink: Thank you so much.
Following this conversation with Melissa, I couldn't stop thinking about something she said, which was even before the time we started working together, she had come to a place on her own of wanting to fully embrace the gifts that only she can own as a female in the financial industry. Whereas the beginning of her career was definitely trying to gain credibility and prove herself, which I think many of us find ourselves in that place in our careers. But as time passed on and she gained more experience and she became more of an expert, she realized that the unique gifts she has to bring, are what truly make her special. And the point in which she was describing being in a client meeting and thinking that in order to make her clients comfortable and feel confident in her that she needed to conform to looking like them, to meeting them at their level. And what she realized in coming back to herself and embracing who she truly is, the gifts she has to share and then also externally showing up in a way that is aligned with her, that is actually what brought her the most comfort.
So as you're listening today, I want you to consider maybe just flipping the script on what you've always believed to be true. And yes, we're talking about style, but I think this goes deeper into what do you believe is true about yourself and what you have to offer to the world. And yes, then that parlays into how you're willing to show up for yourself on the external side of things. Let that sink in. Percolate on that a little more this week. Where have I been avoiding showing up as my true self, hoping that it will create a certain outcome? And what if you were able to flip the script to say, showing up as myself in the most authentic way I can, is actually going to get me the outcomes that I truly desire. And with that, I can't wait to see you on another episode.
Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift.
Let's make it visible.
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