What If You Don’t Actually Need More
- emsteinbrink
- 3 days ago
- 11 min read
Everywhere you look, the message seems to be the same. Do more. Buy more. Optimize more. Give your kids more experiences. Make your life more interesting. Keep improving, keep adding, keep proving that you’re making the most of everything. Even when all of that more is exhausting, it can still feel safer than letting any of it go.
I’ve been noticing how deeply attached I am to that idea, not just with clothes and things, but with my time, my work, my health, and the way I measure whether I’m doing enough. Less can feel uncomfortable because it brings up bigger questions about productivity, value, security, and who we are when we stop filling every available space. Yet some of the biggest shifts in my life have come when I’ve pulled back, limited my options, and made room for what actually matters.
In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m talking about the attachment to more and why doing less can feel so threatening, even when we know the constant pressure to add, improve, and optimize is wearing us out. I share what I’m learning through my closet, my schedule, my health, and an upcoming move, and why letting go may be more about discovering what you never needed in the first place.
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1:01 - Why the message to do less feels so unnatural when you were raised to keep going
2:40 - The pressure to keep optimizing your workouts, health, and performance
5:27 - Why doing and having more can create a false sense of security
8:11 - Why this conversation is really about attachment, not minimalism
10:33 - How limiting your options can create more intention and clarity
13:56 - The question to ask yourself when you feel like you need more to be doing better
Mentioned In What If You Don’t Actually Need More
Full Transcript
Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do.
Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. This past week, I've been getting this same message over and over, through quotes, through social posts, just happenstance things I run into. And this message is, peel back, don't add more, do less, less hustle, less is more. And I have to admit, at the core of my DNA and who I am, I really don't like that message. And I certainly wasn't raised to think about doing less. I mean, I grew up on a farm. So from a productivity standpoint, you know, doing less was never glorified. There was always something to do. So rest was not something we prioritized, it was always like, there's another thing to do, just keep going. But now as an adult, I don't see how less is a good idea either, when everything around us tells us the opposite. In fact, the messages I'm hearing most frequently, when I think about my social feeds and everything else, I'm hearing more is better, more is going to make you happier, more is going to make you healthier, more will make you more successful, it's going to make you more interesting, more will make you finally feel like you've arrived.
But the older I get, the more I'm starting to question whether that's actually true, especially since I've had a couple of really important times in my life when pulling back or slowing down or pausing, I just recorded that last week about the pause, where that actually created something magical for me or opened up an area of incredible growth. But let's just take an example here. Think about workouts. I know, for me personally and I know I'm a bit of a health nut, but I always feel like I need to be doing more. And I think that has definitely intensified, because I'm in a perimenopausal phase. But I feel like from a workout standpoint, I'm like, I need to be doing more, have more days that I'm doing something, more intensity, more weight, adding more supplements to optimize what I'm doing with my exercise routine. I mean, if you're in perimenopause, I think you know what I'm talking about. And even if you're not, I mean, I think there's a lot of pressure just to like keep optimizing and performing better.
But still, every time when I've given myself permission to back off, or maybe I've been forced to back off, to do a little less intensity, or just relax on my really strict schedule, without fail, my body seems happier. Or think about your closet. I mean, I think most of us have been convinced that we need more options. And I can say this because I talk to a lot of women and it's really consistent feedback that I hear. And I think some of it comes from within, where we're like, oh, I feel like we need more tops, or I need more shoes. But there is definitely a message coming from the external about needing more. Like I just had a post that came across my feed on Instagram. It was like, well, now this is the new color and butter yellow is out. And now this is the new trend and you need it. But even after getting all of these new things that we're convinced we need in our closet, isn't it funny how we continue to reach for the same things over and over again?
Or how about our schedules? I've had times in my life when I felt like I had to pack my schedule full, like squeeze every bit of opportunity out of the time I had. And when I had kids and they got to an age, especially where we were taking them around and doing things, I felt like it got way worse. Like hoping to do more things in the name of giving our kids experiences and expanding their world. And this argument to do more is really, really convincing. Like you're exposing them to as much as possible and giving them every possible opportunity to succeed, to become a good human, to become whatever. But I wonder if what they really need to succeed is to experience downtime, to be bored, to have space to think and do nothing. All of this has me wondering if having more and doing more actually gives us a false sense of security. Because if I'm honest, less feels pretty terrifying. It feels like taking away my favorite blanket. I had this blanket I slept with as a child that I hated it when my mom would take it away to wash it even.
You know, these fears arise, like, what will I do if I have more free time? I won't be valuable. I won't be productive. I won't be seen as the hero. I actually remember feeling this pretty strongly after I left the advertising agency and I was definitely overworking. And my next role was a part-time marketing role, where I actually couldn't clock more than 30 hours a week. And suddenly I had all this extra time in my day and it was super uncomfortable at first. I remember sitting in my living room like, well, what do I do now? Which was something I had no experience with. Or what if I asked you the question, what if I had, what if you had fewer clothes? Does the idea of having fewer clothes in your closet, you know, and you might read that as having less options, do you feel a little bit cringy and panicked? Like, I'm not going to have what I need when I need it? Another example would be is, I'm on the precipice of a move to a much smaller city. This city is, in Iowa, is around 10,000 people. Currently, I live in a city in Omaha that is close to a half million. And I'm asking, you know, as I'm thinking about the experience I have now and then moving to a much smaller town, I'm thinking, what am I going to do without all these restaurant options, all these retail options? Can I survive and actually get what I need?
It's fascinating how attached we become to more and I'm wondering and we'll probably soon find out, especially through this move, but I'm wondering if I'm going to be finding out, did I ever really even need it? Another example of this as we're in the process of moving is we're, before we move and pack up, we're detoxing things. And I keep finding these things that I haven't touched in years. I mean, sometimes decades. I've lived in this house for about 15 years. And still, even with this knowledge that I haven't used it and I probably don't need it unless it's like an heirloom, it's still really hard to let them go. Because sometimes I think having them feels safer than not having them. And even if they're doing absolutely nothing for you. Maybe that's what I'm really talking about here. It's not about detox or minimalism. It's not about just saying you have less so you can promote that on the socials.
I think what I'm really trying to get to the heart of and what this is really addressing is attachment and this attachment to more. Because honestly everywhere we look, we're being told more is good. Work harder. Hustle more. Take more trips. Give your kids more experiences. Sign them up for more activities. Pack your weekends full. Have a more interesting life that's worthy of documentation. Post more interesting things. I mean, gosh, as an entrepreneur, it's like people crave the personal aspect of your social presence. And it's like, well, OK, then I better go do things that seem interesting and worthy of posting on Instagram. And I have found myself more times than not, feeling bad that I don't have enough exciting things to post on Instagram. I mean, how screwed up is that? Because if I stop looking at everyone else for a minute and simply just experience my own life, I'm actually not sad about it. It's only when I start watching everyone else's quote unquote more that I suddenly think I'm doing something wrong.
As I get older, I can't deny though that there is a shift happening. I am craving less, because I've experienced what less can do in my life. And I gave some of those examples, like I experienced what happens when I have more time in my schedule. I've experienced what it's like when I take the pressure off myself to be perfect. I'm experiencing now what it feels like to not buy as much, especially from, you know, in terms of my closet and my style. And I'm experiencing what it's like to trade out my time for things I thought were productive and put time towards things that are more meaningful, like connections or just being with my family. Or just making more room to actually enjoy my life, instead of documenting it all the time. I really think that sometimes limiting our options is actually a gift. James Clear has this quote and it was one of those things that had popped up in this last week that was nudging me towards this topic. It goes like this, sometimes you can improve by cutting your options off. I think that's true. I mean, if you had less in your closet, you'd probably be more intentional about what goes in. If you had less space in your house, you'd probably be more intentional about what you keep.
When I intentionally limited my work schedule to six hour days, that was when I started my styling business. I wanted to keep it at 30 hours a week. I had to become much more intentional with my time. I had to be efficient. Some things had to be eliminated. Some things had to be delegated. The limitations actually created more clarity. Now this episode isn't about you needing to go create a capsule wardrobe or to convince you that you need one. Although I do think most of us could benefit from owning less clothing and that is definitely where the focus of my services is. But this is really about questioning our attachment to more. And sadly, the retailers aren't helping us out in this regard, because, as I mentioned before, there's always something new that requires a change. No more of this color. We're all into this color. That dress is outdated. Now you need this one. This print is trending like we're into the lobster print or something right now, I don't know. I actually try to intentionally shut these things out, because it drives me absolutely bonkers.
And that's just in the realm of style. This promotion of more is everywhere. It's in parenting, it's in health, it's in your business, it's in marriage, in relationships, in finances, everywhere we are being asked to do more and optimize. And it's just, it's downright exhausting, isn't it? We're constantly being told to replace something that was perfectly fine yesterday. I'm not going to graze over the fact that it takes a lot of intentionality to live a less is more life, because you'll get plenty of reasons to go off course. You'll constantly be told you need more and maybe that's why this feels so countercultural. For me, I think I've gotten to a pretty good place with my time and my business hours. I've been practicing this sort of less is more philosophy for about 10 years now. That was when I started my part-time role and then I continued that part-time capacity, when I started my business. And I've been really good about creating boundaries around my time to enforce that. But there's definitely areas that I'm being called to pay attention to this idea more and I know it's happening in my closet and honestly I think it's happening in my health too, because it's so easy just to get caught up in this swirl of more, next, new, be doing better. I still catch myself believing that if I just did a little more, if I was a little better, I'd finally get there, wherever there is, right?
But as you're thinking about or hearing me talk about this, I'm wondering, what areas are you being called to pay attention to? Where do you always feel like you need more, more options, more achievement, more experiences, more things, more approval, just to be doing better? And if one area is popping up in your mind right now, I'd pay attention to that. If you're anything like me, you probably want to shove that thought aside as fast as possible, because it feels too difficult to face, or address right now. Because it feels like you're losing something if you let go. But maybe that's exactly how you know it's the thing worth exploring. You may not be ready today. I get that. This has happened to me before where a message has had to come to me over and over and over and over, before I realize, oh, okay, I should probably pay attention to it. But that nudge is going to keep coming back until one day you choose to face it and let go. You just take the risk and you say, let me try and see how this feels or life might make the decision for you. I mean, that's honestly what's happening in our move. While we are most definitely making this choice, it feels like God is pushing us in this way. Either way, whether it's something you're choosing, or you're not choosing, you're going to learn something. And you might just discover you never needed the access anyway. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode.
Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me, if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. Let's make it visible.
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