Stop Treating Resistance Like a Sign You’re Doing It Wrong
I had a plan for school mornings. More protein, less sugar, and better breakfasts for my kids. Instead, I got rejected recipes, wasted food, and one batch of pancakes that looked more like scrambled eggs. I was getting frustrated that my perfect plan was completely failing, and I started to realize that maybe the problem wasn’t the breakfast. Maybe it was believing there was a perfect breakfast in the first place.
I think we do this in so many areas of our lives. We look for the perfect way to sleep, exercise, run our businesses, or build our wardrobes, believing that if we can just get it right, there won’t be any problems or discomfort to deal with. Then when resistance shows up, we see it as evidence that what we’re doing isn’t working and become more likely to throw the whole thing away.
In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m talking about what happens when you stop seeing resistance as a bad thing and start recognizing it as the opportunity. I’m sharing what my quest for the perfect breakfast showed me about the way I approach perfection, why chasing the perfect wardrobe means constantly solving for a moving target, and why the formation that happens when you stay with the uncomfortable parts may actually be the end goal.
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1:09 - Getting more protein and less sugar into my kids before school
2:20 - When my perfect breakfast plan was completely failing
3:13 - Maybe the lesson isn’t to figure out the perfect breakfast
4:16 - What I learned from putting a lot of effort into sleeping well
5:13 - The more I force, the less success I have
6:06 - The perfect wardrobe and the constantly changing definition of perfect
7:25 - Setting up the right conditions instead of the perfect conditions
9:44 - The resistance is actually the opportunity
10:08 - The formation is the end goal, not the perfection
Mentioned In Stop Treating Resistance Like a Sign You’re Doing It Wrong
Full Transcript
Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be, to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do.
Now, let's get visible. Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. Over here, I'm getting back into school. We've been in school a little bit over a week. And one of the things I was really focused on this year is getting a good, healthy breakfast into my kids before they go off to school. But what I'm really focusing on, particularly, is more protein and less sugar and carbs, aren't we all? I mean, as you can imagine, this is quite the feat, especially since I've gotten pretty lax about this, over the summer for sure, but definitely in recent years. As such, I've been playing with different recipes, since one of my kids is the one who doesn't like any eggs and many of the easy protein suggestions that you read out there, he happens to be very, very picky. So to say this has been a process and a test of my will is a complete understatement. I have tried so many different recipes only for them to say, yeah, I don't really love that, or this is awful and they refuse to eat it. One time I even tried this healthy pancake recipe, but I had to sub in a different flour, because I didn't have it on hand. And the pancakes looked more like scrambled eggs than they did this nice fluffy pancake. So great. Another fail.
I was getting a little frustrated that my perfect plan to have my kids eat the best breakfast, was completely failing. And not to mention it was irking me that I was wasting food along the way. But I started to realize something pretty important, that the problem here isn't necessarily that my kids don't love everything, although I see that can be an obstacle. The problem is that I think there is a perfect diet or a perfect breakfast that exists. Or at least that there will be no resistance to this process. And the more I believe that, the less resilient I am when these problems or objections arise. And the more likely I am to just throw everything away and say, this is useless. I'll never figure it out. I might as well just stop. And maybe the lesson here isn't to figure out the perfect breakfast. Maybe it's to learn to tolerate, or even embrace the resistance. Because in reality, I just need a few things that work and then hit repeat. And then to be satisfied that we are making progress from our previously sugar-laden breakfasts.
And I think this is true in so many other areas of our life. Have you ever noticed that the more effort you put into things, sometimes the worse it seems to get? I think it's also true that the more expectations, or pressure you put on to something, the worse it gets. I mean, think about sleep. There's this idea that sleep perfection exists and there's plenty of devices and tracking, gadgets and routines and all of these things that are supposed to help us to get the perfect night of sleep. But the more effort you put into sleep, the more you track it, the more you add to your sleep routine, the less likely it is to happen. Have you ever noticed that? I mean, I certainly learned this lesson very well, because I suffered from insomnia many years back and it lasted for a year. And I can tell you, I was putting a lot of effort into sleeping well. But did I sleep well? No. Because now you're trying to make something happen that you actually can't force. And I think we do this with so many things, right? We do it with the perfect diet, like I was just talking about. But there's also forcing and making this perfect morning routine or the perfect way to exercise. I know that's certainly true with me as a perimenopausal woman. There's a perfect way to run your business. And if I can just find the right formula, then everything will be fine. If it's perfect, then there's not going to be any worries, no problems. I won't suffer. But that just isn't true.
In fact, my experience has been that the more I force, the less success I have. And I think this is where the idea of perfection can actually work against us, because perfection isn't just about wanting something to be really good. That's not actually it at all. And that's coming from someone who struggles with perfection. What I really believe is going on and is more often the case is that perfection is our attempt to eliminate uncertainty and discomfort, to eliminate problems, to smooth things over, so you don't have to face the things that don't feel so good. And we often think if I can just get this right, then I won't have to deal with this anymore. But life really doesn't work that way. And I've been thinking about this, in terms of something I talk about all the time, which is our wardrobes. We are constantly being the sold idea of the perfect wardrobe, right? The perfect fall capsule. You've, you're probably seeing that right now. Like the perfect 10 pieces that are going to get you through fall. I know over the summer, I saw a lot about like the perfect vacation outfit or finding the perfect vacation outfit, the perfect pair of boots for fall, which have you noticed that changes every season? Or the only 10 things you're going to need.
And the problem is that the definition of perfect is constantly changing. So you finally find the perfect thing, and then something comes along and says, now this is the perfect thing, actually. You know, it wasn't that thing, it's now this. And suddenly the thing you thought was perfect isn't perfect anymore and so now we're chasing for the new perfect. You can drive yourself completely crazy, falling into this thinking and your closet can and definitely will suffer. Because instead of simply getting dressed and wearing the clothes you have, or getting creative with the clothes you have, or maybe adding one or two new pieces instead of a total rehaul, overhaul, you're constantly trying to solve for a constantly moving target. And I think sometimes the alternative is much simpler, which is to set up the right conditions that work for you. I didn't say the perfect conditions. Set up the right conditions and then wait and then repeat. That's not really what our culture promotes or encourages and it's often not what we want, if we're being honest. We want immediacy. We don't want to wait for the results. We want perfect and then we want to not have to deal with anything else. We want to know that if we're going to do this one thing, we're going to get this one result.
But sometimes the work is just setting up the right conditions at that time and then letting things unfold. Find a few breakfasts that work and keep going with it. Find some pieces that feel like they invigorate your wardrobe and then make that be the thing that is good enough. Let that be the progress and be happy with it and then stop demanding that the entire system needs to be perfect. I actually read a Bible verse this morning that just perfectly captures the essence of what I'm talking about today. And isn't God funny that way that He just brings the right thing at the right time. And this just brought everything into focus for me. So this is from James 1 verses 2 through 4 and it says, Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it in an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow. For when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. Now, isn't that funny? I think about that verse and my quest to find the perfect breakfast and it just makes me laugh, because I realize maybe I've been looking at the resistance all wrong.
I've been seeing that failed recipe, my scrambled egg pancakes, the wasted foods, the I don't like that and then your morning's all off track as evidence that my plan isn't working. I've been seeing this resistance as a bad thing, as something to hate, as something to avoid. But reading this verse reminds me that the resistance is actually the opportunity. It's something to embrace. It's a sign you're getting closer and to not stop. So maybe I don't actually need the perfect breakfast, or the perfect wardrobe, or the perfect anything. Maybe I just need to lean into that resistance, because that's where the formation happens.
The formation is the end goal, not the perfection. The endurance you develop is worth way more than whatever perfect thing you're chasing. And I think it's going to take more than a few times for this message to be hitting me over the head for it to finally sink in, but I'm so grateful that this perfect breakfast and this, you know, this quest for the perfect breakfast, has given me another opportunity to see that the goal isn't to chase the perfect. The goal is to sit in the things that feel uncomfortable and let that be the gold. And honestly, I think this idea applies to a lot more than just breakfast. And I hope it's challenging you in a new way too. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode.
Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift. Let's make it visible.
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